Dear Ralph: He Doesn't Appreciate my Cooking

 Dear Ralph,
           I am a mother of 2 beautiful children and have been married for the past 6 years. Everything was all good at the beginning of the marriage. We were so much in love and all. But now he has picked up a nasty habit of criticizing every single thing I cook. He would call me and ask me "what is this" like he doesn't recognize simple dishes but I would ignore it and tell him what I cooked. Then he would ask me to taste it myself and know if I can eat it. I know I am good at cooking, I am ver confident about that. He still eats and clears the plate after insulting my cooking and I just watch him. He has gotten really nasty these days and I am really trying to be calm but I swear I am loosing it. He doesn't do this only with my cooking, but it is the cooking one that really gets to me. I was reading on your post about the man that was saying he's girl couldn't cook. Now I want you to tell me since I am a female directly asking for advice. What can a woman do in this situation because I can't take this insult any more. Thank you!

                                                                                                                                                   Angela



Dear Angela,
          I know how frustrating it can be, when you put your back to something and try your best to do something and get criticized for it. Let alone being criticized for something you know that you are good at. You begin to wonder if the person just wants to start trouble. I would advice you as I have advised most of the people that come to me for help. Take it easy and think for a minute, just calm down and listen to me. From what you are saying, he complains about your cooking but doesn't really point at anything in particular about it like if there was too much salt or too little pepper. My thought is that he isn't angry about the cooking, he is angry about something else but doesn't know how to bring it up. It is also possible that he doesn't even know what in particular it is that is annoying him. Now that is where the problem would be greater. You say you have 2 beautiful children, are they both males or both females? Is there a particular gender he is looking for that you haven't given him? Is there something you do that annoys him? A lot can change in 6 years of marriage and it takes will and determination to steer your relationship back in the right direction. Try and talk it out with him and try to remove your focus from your cooking. If at the end it is the cooking then talk it out with him and let him tell you what he feels is missing in the food so that you can know better how to cook for him. Also mention to him that you do not appreciate the way he embarrasses you for your food, ask him to be more gentle if he must correct you, that's if he wants you to be able to listen to he's words and make changes. I know it isn't easy and you might ask that why do you have to be the one to go and talk to him to make things better but sometimes you have to be the bigger person and take the mature approach to make things okay in your home. It doesn't make you look weaker at all, it shows you have mental composure and wisdom.

Please be patient and first find out what the problem really is, then you can tackle this problem much better.

                                                                                                                                                    Ralph