Dear Ralph: I think my wife is falling for someone else

Dear Raphael
           I am a 35 year old married man with a child, things have been going fine in my marriage until I lost my job earlier this year. My wife worked on mainland but was recently moved to island. She's been supportive so far financially while I search for another job. While she was on mainland she had male friends at the office but there was no problem because I trusted her. But about 2 months now since she moved to island she comes back form work and tells me about a particular male friend.
She always talks about him. How nice he is and how he had ordered cake for his wife on her birthday and many more things. I am one of those people that doesn't check wifey's phone cos of trust but I was pushed to check her phone and I noticed this guy always appears on her call log. I brushed it off but checked her whatsapp and noticed they have been chatting even after work when she is home. And what baffles me now is that she hid the chat in a way that I had to maneuver to read it. She has only known him 2 months and they are this close and she is always praising him. The man is married. I asked her who the guy is and she told me, I told her that I never want to hear about him anymore and that she should face her own family, that was when she started hiding the whatsapp chats. She has stopped talking about the guy around me and now i'm worried. Some friend says I should engage her in a war and make her confess. What do you think?

                                                                                                                                                Omolayo




Dear Omolayo,
      Engaging her in anything aggressive both physically and even verbally is only going to make her hide things more from you so you need to tackle this with more wisdom and maturity. Being a man doesn't always mean you have to use force in handling things. You remember how you spoke to her and told her that you never wanted to hear about him and then she started hiding more things from you? Now think of what could happen if you scare her away more. At least she came openly to tell you about her new friend. There are other ways you can deal with this.
       I always talk about communication. From what you've said I read that your wife is a really nice lady and is just drifting without even knowing it so you need to change things early on as it is your duty to call her back when she is about to make a mistake. First I think you should come out straight and tell her what you found out in her phone, and if needed then apologize about going through her phone and explain that it is her recent character that led you to doing so. Show her that you are concerned about what she is doing with the guy and allow her to talk then listen to her own side of the story. Keep a soft heart and mind while doing this so that you will be able to handle things well. Remember that she is human and is prone to mistakes and you should be glad you found this out this early.
         If possible have her invite the guy to your house and you can get to know him more, that way you will be able to tell he's motives more. Invite him and he's wife over so you all sit down as friends. In this meeting you people aren't going to bring up the issue at hand. You are just using this to study the man and he's relationship with he's wife which will tell you if he is tired of he's wife and help you see the chemistry between him and your wife on your own. This is if you want to take an indirect approach to tackle this.
       Don't be scared that you being financially incapable of taking care of the family right now might be the cause of all this. You will find something doing tomorrow if you struggle well enough. Being the man of the house means a whole lot more than the monetary side. Be calm and mature in your approach this time, although it might be hard but keep your composure throughout and you will see a difference.