Dear Ralph: What did I do wrong?

     

Dear Ralph,

        I've been with someone in a 3 year relationship. Everything started out fine, he was kind ambitious and caring. But we started to have some problems, I felt like he started making effort not to be as nice as he used to be. He says I take him as a fool. Even when I want to be nice to him he thinks i'm trying to be sneaky. I'm in a position where i feel like no matter what I do he will take it wrongly. If I talk i'm complaining and if I don't talk it's another thing.
I try to support him to the fullest and feel as if all I do is not good enough. He said he doesn't feel like he can be himself and that he does not feel like he has a girlfriend because I don't care. I asked him if he is tired and he says that I am the on that is tired of the relationship and that he is tired of being belittled. I don't think I speak to belittle him but when he mentions it I always apologize. Now I am afraid of talking to him because he seems to misunderstand whatever I say. So I am confused because we always start to fight. Why do you think he isn't satisfied.

                                                                                                                                               Bella



Dear Bella
        Please try and trace back with him so that he can help you pinpoint when he started feeling like you started where taking him for a fool. The thing is that sometimes you offend a person without knowing and the person waits for you to say something but since  you have no idea what you did you keep going and the person might swallow it for the first time. Then tomorrow you do it again and it continues like that till the party that is being constantly offended starts feeling like they are being treated unfair. But all this can be avoided by encouraging him to speak up the moment he feels you have done something to offend him. All the talk of lack of care and you being tired of him might be out of annoyance of an old problem or something you might no know you do wrong. Maybe you did something in the past that he doesn't feel comfortable bringing it up now but the anger and hurt is still there, maybe he just suspects you of doing somethings and feels you take him for a fool for him not noticing. It might all be a big misunderstanding. The thing is without asking him you will never know.
        Also I really do not support a relationship where you are scared of talking to your partner about problems because of he's reaction, if he shouts at you or turns it into a quarrel then inform him that with the way he turns everything into a fight that he is going to make you uncomfortable telling him anything that bothers you. I understand that it isn't every little problem you complain to your partner about but this is heavy and is weighing you down so please consider telling him again and consider your future, know what you want and what is best for you and act accordingly.
      After our discussion on BBM I would also say to you that as much as I always endeavor to support two people fixing their problems no matter what, you should try and know if he is actually the one that has gotten tired of the relationship but doesn't know how to end it. This might be the best way he knows how to do it without feeling too much guilt. At the end of the day you still have to talk it out with him and know what you can and cannot handle. Just take it easy and be strong my dear. Everything happens for a reason and if this doesn't workout then it is only making space for a better thing tomorrow. But I sincerely pray this works out for you. Remain strong....

                                                                                                                                                   Ralph