Dear Ralph: Should I wait for him or pursue a career

Dear Ralph,
         I am confused right now about two decisions and I don't know which to take. I have been dating someone for quite a while. He has been mentioning marriage but has never really done anything officially. I really want to get married but I am not sure about this situation. One thing is that I don't think that I am financially stable enough to go into a marriage, even though I am 28. My boyfriend on the other hand is 38. Don't get me wrong he is very loving, my main problem is that I don't think I am where I want to be financially. As for his own financial capability, I don't really know because I don't ask about his financial details unless he decided to tell me anything. I think it is the independent nature that I have always had in me that is the cause of this. The relationship so far has been good and a happy one.
Even though we have our down moments where we fight and not speak to each other for days but when we eventually makeup, it is heavenly. I plan on travelling out by January to Dubai for a career opportunity. I am most likely going to get this job because there is someone that is helping me out and I plan to be on my way as soon as it clicks. My man has been talking about marriage for some time now but hasn't done anything about it ever since then as I mentioned earlier. The thing is that we reside in two different states so I suspect that to be the reason he hasn't said anything. We are going to be together this Christmas anyway. Most of my friends think that I am making a big mistake by leaving him to go make money but being the kind of person I am, I detest pestering even my partner for anything. I always love contributing in whatever way I can to support my family. So my question is, should I get married or go make money abroad. I need your candid opinion on this. Thank you very much.

                                                                                                                                                      Isabelle











Dear Isabelle,
           The thing is that if you leave now and go for the money, you stand a possible chance of losing your man and from what you wrote to me, I sense that you both already have something special going on for you. You would spend some time in Dubai trying to make your money. Once you get the job, it would be hard for you to quit it because even over there, there would be thousands of people waiting to take your job if you screw it up. So you might be forced to remain there and secure the job which would most likely cause a strain on your relationship.

If you stay in Nigeria. Your man might engage you and marry you or might not do anything yet. And then by then you would have lost both your job opportunity an your man. Although there is a possibility that the person that is helping you secure this job could help you secure another one. But you can't be too sure can you.

So I think what you should do is, since you and your man are meant to meet and spend Christmas together. Why not mention to him if he has any plans of getting married to you soon. I know it might be out of character for you but seeing that you are at an edge now, you might have to just do this and get it over with. As long as you don't sound desperate, just speak in a way that he knows that you are just inquiring and not trying to rush him into anything. So that he would be able to speak his own mind to you. But if this approach is too direct for you, then stylishly chip in your plans to travel out soon for a job opportunity to him. Watch the way he reacts, if he is going to encourage you to go or if he would want you to stay. From there you would get to know better what to do or not to do. You might also want to discuss possibilities of him wanting to move to Dubai, just as a suggestion to him. You two should just play around with ideas and suggestions without insisting on a particular decision on the next person.

Also about the whole job thing, you know that if you get married, you would give birth and that would put you out of work for about a year or more. So you two might also want to look for opportunities in Nigeria instead. If your man has a connection to somewhere you can get something, it might be easier to work things out that way. I personally believe there are so many opportunities that are unexplored in Nigeria. So I would suggest you exhaust your options in your country before looking outside. But this of course is just a suggestion. I know it isn't in your nature to ask for help or depend on another person but you would need someone sooner or later. It doesn't mean that your character is not good, I personally admire that about you and think you should keep it up. Just don't be too strict about it.

So finally I think this Christmas should determine everything and you would know where you stand. I'll be waiting for additional info after the meeting. Best of luck with your man dear.

                                                                                                                                                     Ralph