Dear Ralph: I have a loud voice

Hello Ralph,
          I have a problem right now, I don't know if to classify it as serious as some things I have read in this blog but still I just thought i'll seek a little help. It is my habit of shouting a lot. You see growing up I always had a loud voice and in warri where I grew up, among my friends, when we are having a discussion and you do not raise your voice well you would never be heard and your opinions would never matter. So I guess I picked this habit up from a very tender age. I have had people complain a lot about how I always raise my voice especially now that I no more stay in warri and stay in Ebonyi.
The main problem actually is my wife, she warned me a lot about this when we were still courting but she still managed me till we got married. But it seems it is getting to her now. She always complains that I never address her like a human being, she says I always embarrass her even among friends with the way I raise my voice at her. The thing is that even when I talk normally I have a really loud voice and when I do not mean to shout she mistakes it as me behaving as I usually do. The thing is that I know how annoyed she is and I really do not mean to anger her. I know that I am at fault and that I have to stop it but I don't know how. This is a usual pattern of talking for me. Some friends I have met here in Ebonyi even tease me that I do not know how to whisper, that it is when I whisper that I talk like a normal person. So in other words my whisper is a normal talk and my normal talk is yelling, I think it gets worse when I actually mean to yell.. I would like to know if there is any advice you can give for this. But if you do not respond to this I would also understand. I Just really need to treat my woman good and have her know that I don't mean to yell. Thanks

                                                                                                                                                         Efe







Dear Efe,
        There are many different reason's why your voice could be coming out as louder than normal. From the size of your lungs to your vocal cords and your larynx. But if I would spare you the explanation of how it is happening and the whole biology blah blah blah. Definitely your youth days helped to cause this because you can actually train yourself to sound louder. So Ill go straight to few things that you might do to help you.

You have to learn to put in conscious effort to reduce your voice when you are speaking to your wife. Or better yet practice it everyday with everyday people around you and get used to it, so that it can happen naturally when you have to talk to your wife. You could also ask your wife to be patient with you and tell her to alert you each time it seems you are beginning to talk loud so that you make real time corrections. Also there are certain people who wish to correct the way they speak, whether it is their stutter or to increase their voice, I usually advice them on a constant practice even when you are alone. Read anything you see out loud, from the writings on a paper to billboards and sign posts. Act like you are talking to someone while reading them. I think this might also help you. I guess the key is just in constant practice. Let it become second nature to you, you would see that in no time your wife would notice. Or at lease she, noticing your effort would help her understand and be a little bit more patient with you.

Although what most people complain about is having a smaller voice but I guess you have your wife as a good reason to want to reduce it. The good things is that you already know how to do this by default, so by putting in effort to reduce your voice you can learn to talk low and at the same time still have the ability to raise your voice when you have to. But that is in case you have to speak in public of cos and not to yell at your wife. I would never encourage that. So to an extent just view this as a good thing or as acquiring a new skill if you may, then try to work on it. As you said it isn't really a big deal, so treat it like it is nothing. Don't panic because of it, I think your wife already knew who you were before she got into the marriage. She would be fine and also coupled with the fact that you actually want to work on this, you two would be fine. Don't worry about it.

Hope I was able to help a little bit at least. Best of luck brother.

                                                                                                                                                     Ralph




Oh and I had to post this here because you hadn't answered your mails for some time but on your request I would pull it back anytime. I hope you see this, please get back to me. Take care