Dear Ralph: Can I trust a man I met on a dating site

Hello Raphael,
           I am a 29 year old working class lady. I have always been so dedicated to my studies and my career from when I was young. I made all the right decisions and I am successful today, however I never concentrated on how to be someone's woman. In other words I do not have a love life. I have dated a little here and there but was never able to keep a relationship. I don't know, maybe it is something about me or maybe I just didn't learn, I don't know. Anyway, recently I came across an ad online about a dating site, it just kept popping up on my windows and I decided one day to check it out. Logged in and registered, uploaded my information and started trying out this whole dating site thing. I must say it was very weird to me at first because I never supported meeting a guy this way. But slowly I just went with it to know where it might bring me. Not long after the second month of participating in the forums and talks on the website, I met a man.
His pictures looked so good and it happened to be that he works out, just the way I like 'em. I love men who know how to take care of their body. Well we got talking and exchanged contact information, shortly he started calling me and he had the smoothest voice you have ever heard. We have been talking for some time now and now he wants to meet with me. I am eager to meet him because I think it's safe to say that I am falling for him. I also want to remove this single girl curse from my head. The problem is that I do not know if it is safe to meet with a stranger. I do not know if I should trust him. One mind is telling me to but the old me is still strongly against this. I don't even know if this would work and I really really really hope it does. I just wanted to know if you have experience with this kind of thing or if there is any advice or suggestion you and the family can offer. Thank you

                                                                                                                                                     Lauretta













Dear Lauretta,
          First of all congrats on meeting your man, you deserve the best which I hope he is. Now you should know that there are lots of things about meeting someone online. If you aren't physically relating to someone face to face you can't exactly say you know much about the person. Because even motives and intentions are questioned and sentences misunderstood form simple everyday mobile chats. There is a possibility that this could work out and there is also a possibility that your eagerness to get into the dating life is playing mind tricks on you and making you believe things. So you need to be prepared for anything that might happen and make sure you are being truthful to yourself. Also you should know that pictures could be deceiving, what you see on your computer and phone might not be what it is in life. Now i'm not saying he could be trying to deceive you, it's just the way things are. Even pictures you snap on your own could make you look different from the way you really are in life without any photo editing. So make sure that what you are going for is character and not looks. His looks, yes are important, but you should also be able to get past that if it dissapoints. So how do you know if this is the right decision and if he has the right character or that you mind isn't playing tricks on you? It comes down to one thing, meeting up with him.


PLEASE Lauretta! You do not know this person so you should be very alert if you choose to do this. There are so many dangers you could face in meeting a stranger, he could be anybody, even a stalker or something worse, who knows. So please I beg you to be very careful. If you must meet, meet in a public place and have friends around. They mustn't be at your table, they could blend into the crowd. Maybe sit at a different table if you choose to meet at a bar or restaurant. He doesn't have to know they are with you. If possible, do not go back to his place with him until you find out more about him. Find out things like where he lives and many more, even try to know more about his family members and friends and if possible meet them. So when you have taken all precautionary measure then you can decide to meet with him. Talking to him directly and watching his action and facial expressions would help you understand more of some things you might have misunderstood in your phone chats and text convos without knowing. You would be able to relate what he means when he says a particular thing with a particular tone of voice and facial expression. So just generally study him well to be on the safe side and to know him better for a good relationship.


So is it going to work? Just like any other relationship out there, you can never tell if it is going to work or not. All you can do it decide to give it a try if you think it is worth it and do what you can while hoping for the best. Statistics show that these relationships do not usually last because they are not usually built on anything reasonable, mostly desperation. But you could be one of the few exceptions if you go into this the right way and with the right mind for the right reasons. Make sure you aren't doing this out of desperation. If you are, it is understandable but you would have to learn to also tell yourself the truth when you get into the relationship. Do not let the desperation keep you where you are unhappy. You deserve happiness.

So I hope this would help you in making your decision. Once again I would beg you to please be careful if you choose to do this. There are many dangers to meeting a stranger this way as I have said before. There are live victims of circumstances like this. So please be cautious. Best of luck out there and I really hope you come back with good new.

Welcome to the family and one more thing, you do not have a curse on your head.

                                                                                                                                                      Ralph