Dear Ralph: Should I pay him back

Hi Ralph,
        I have an issue bothering me. My boyfriend is causing me some serious heart ache. He is what I call a serial cheater. We have been dating for 8 month and I still don't know how I manage to stay where I am. I guess it's because he was my first so I feel so attached to him. I don't know if i'll be able to think of life without him. But his cheating habit is what drives me crazy. It is too much for me to handle and I spend most days crying and telling him how much he is hurting me. He apologizes and then goes right back to the same thing once it looks like things are beginning to settle down. The thing is that recently there is this guy that has been coming around me, he wants me to date him but I really don't love him.
At the same time it is not like I hate him, I just haven't given him a chance because I am with my boyfriend. I know I don't want to leave my guy so I was talking to a couple of friends and they told me that I should date this second person while dating my man also. That it would help me get money from both people and when my boyfriend feels he can cheat then I can go do mine with this new person. I don't know if this is right but I know he definitely deserves it for what he has done to me so far. I just want to get even with him, not like i'll be doing it out of emotions or anything. I just want to have that satisfaction that I am no being an idiot and dying over him while he is having his fun. I am a human being after all not a log of wood. I have emotions and he has been playing with them for 8 months. I still just wanted to know what you would say about this, I like the way you handle issues. I think I want to know your take on this. I am not a bad person, I am just tired of being played with. And this new guy is cute, I am really liking the idea of having this hunky man all over me. I think this would be fun actually. hehehe

                                                                                                                                               Anonymous











Dear Anonymous,
             You are right to be angry for the way your man has been treating you and I understand why you would want to do this. But I have to tell you that it isn't the right thing for you to do. Do not act out of anger and become somebody you are not. Do not let him push you into this. You are far more than this and don't have to stoop to that level. Instead of you to give yourself away like that, I think instead you should give the relationship a little space to know where you stand with your man. I know it might be hard to step away or give the space but it is always like that with your first person. It doesn't mean it's impossible. Now I am not telling you to break up with him either, that is totally your own choice. I just want you to take a little time to think.

If you go into this you might be thinking that you are paying him back or getting even but at the end of the day, you would find out that you are just selling yourself cheap. Instead of double dating or sleeping with this new person. If you are really fed up then why not think about this and know if you still want to continue. Know if you truly want to remain in this relationship and if it is healthy for you. If you decide that you do not want it again then you can give this new person a chance. You would never know, it might work out between you and new guy instead. You also might be thinking of just your man and what you want to do to him but, you would be forgetting that if you do this and the guy you are using to cheat on your man with also feels you are all for him, then you would be doing exactly the same thing your boyfriend is doing to you, to another person. If this new person never did anything to you then why would you hurt him? just think about it, it won't be fair on him. So instead of doing this, finish with one relationship then move fully to the next.

You might not love this new guy right away but not all relationships are love at first sight. Sometimes it starts out slow and then blossoms into something wonderful. You just have to try first and give it some time. But this is only if you decide that you want to try out a new person. If you still want to carry on with your guy then I want you to at least be prepared for the worst case scenario and know that he might never stop what he is doing. So be ready to endure a lot more, because even if you finally decide to get back at him. You still won't be genuinely happy inside of you. Please think this over again, don't rush into anything.

Finally, I really hope that your man changes for better and stops this character of his. Hopefully things would workout well for you two and you won't need to go anywhere. Just be careful in making your decision. Be sure of what you really want. Best of luck.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph