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Friday, 12 December 2014

Dear Ralph: Is it wrong that I want to stay single




Hello Ralph,
        Nice blog you have right here. I wanted to get something off my chest and I think this is the right place to do it, I just admire the way you give an unbiased answer to things and being that you are a guy, I must say I am very shocked. Anyway on to the main reason for my writing to you. I am a woman of 31 years and I must say that at this age, I have done very well for my self. I am at the peak of my career as I was recently promoted to the managerial board of the company that I work with. I own my own car, buy my own clothes and live in my own house. I do what I want, when I want it. I have never been into relationships and the few that I had when I was younger turned out to be a pure waste of my time. I feel I am much happier the way I am with no man to tell me what to do and what not to do. Nobody to control my life, well nobody except my mother and father.
They still insist that since I am the first daughter that I should be married. They keep comparing me to my other siblings, especially my sisters and talking of how happily married they are with kids and all. When I came with news of my promotion, they simply waved it aside and treated it like it was nothing. I don't know what I did and come to think of it, the sisters that I am being compared with are there depending on men. It disgusts me to see that from my own sisters because I  believe every woman should be independent and show the men that they can do things on their own. That is the only way that a man would respect you in this society. Anyway recently it has been getting more heated and my mum even brought someone to the house for me to marry. I do not want to get married and I am perfectly happy the way I am. I want to remain like this, please is this wrong? Did I do anything to anybody? Maybe after you answer me, I can print this out and show my father and show him what his fellow man answered me, then he can show my mother and they can leave me alone. Thank you very much, let me go and enter my car that I bought myself and drive to my home that I also bought by myself. At least I do not go home to anybody to tell me to cook anything or have to suffer what my sisters are suffering. I think the reason I am successful and they are not is because I have no man to pull me back. Anyway sha I await your reply. Thanks.

                                                                                                                                                    Divine
















Dear Divine,
         There is nothing wrong with you wanting to remain single. There are lots of ladies out in the world who have the same interest. I personally believe it is your life and that you should choose how to live it and not any other person. Relationships and marriages are very serious business, often more serious than certain people wish to take them. I think that if you do not want to be in one or  that you are not yet fully ready then you should stay away from it. So I think it is just fine that you want to stay single.

However you should understand that your parents only have your best interest at heart. The generation they grew up in made it an unwritten rule that you must get married and that is what they have always known and believed. It brought a certain level of respect back then and I still think it does till now. But things are changing now, things are no more the way they used to be and society has made way for the single woman to live in without being questioned too much, although I do admit that the pressure is still there but at least there are increasing number of women and even men standing against this. Your folks just feel that it would be proper for you to have a man and start a family, give them grandchildren and bring joy to their hearts. Now they could be thinking of possible consequences in the future like loneliness because think of it, there is a possibility that with time all your friends would be married and with their kids and families. You might be the only person left out and by then if your career and success isn't enough to keep you company, you might start having regrets. There are many other things you might not be seeing now that they might have calculated. I think you should ask your mum the reason in particular she wants you to get married, I know she would most likely make mention of a grandchild but ask her if there is any other thing apart from that. If after you check out all possible consequences and you are perfectly comfortable with the way you are, then it is absolutely fine. By the way Oprah Winfrey never got married till date did she? and she seems perfectly happy to me.

Now I really hope that your past with men isn't the reason behind this decision. You might have had a bad experience with some men but it doesn't make every single one of us bad. There are ladies that are married and still have the freedom and liberty to do what they want. Yes marriages give some restriction to some things that you can do when single but I like to believe that most of it helps build you to be a better person. It is all about giving it a little chance and finding the person you want to be with, it might not be easy like staying single but when the good times come, they are really good. I of course do not know what you have been through in your life so I respect whatever decision you make. I just don't want you hating all men for the mistakes of some people you met in the past.
     Your sisters might complain about their men every once in a while but that is just relationships for you. If they couldn't cope with them, I doubt they would still be there. So do not look at them in any different light thinking they are miserable where they are, they might be perfectly happy. Just the way you want your own decision to be respected, I think you should respect their own decision to be married also. As long as it was actually their decision and they are happy with it. Even if they are not successful today, it doesn't mean that they can't be tomorrow. Having a man in your life has never been proved to affect the level of success of a woman. If anything I believe that with the right partner and opportunities, a married woman can be very successful. Also there is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady depending on her man as long as there is an understanding by both and it is done in a manner that doesn't seem to be a burden. So I beg you not to be disgusted at them, they are doing nothing wrong either by being married.

Finally I would just like to still say that the decision is all yours. You have the power and right to say Yes or No to this situation. Being single is not wrong. A big congratulation on your success so far and promotion. I hope you keep rising to greater heights. Thanks and best of luck out there.

                                                                                                                                                     Ralph



N:B: Please don't print and show your dad. LOL

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8 Comments:

At 12 December 2014 at 16:34 , Anonymous Walsmorgan said...

Nice response Mr Ralph. Nothing more to say sincerely. The ball is in her court.

 
At 13 December 2014 at 06:58 , Anonymous Pat said...

Pls, our culture demands dat women get married, if u dnt how'l u procreate...dnt u tink dats selfish?pls hav a rethink

 
At 13 December 2014 at 07:00 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apart 4rm wat Pat sed,we r humans and nid companion...dere's no way u'l say u dnt feel lonely somtimes,evn wit all ur achievements...

 
At 13 December 2014 at 09:11 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pat, fuck you and your culture, culture once determined that twins be killed, so culture isnt be it and end all, if is not by force to follow it, corruption is deeply rooted in nigerian culture, should we continue to follow that, if you can not talk sense, pls move on. And did she tell you that she wants to procreate?, or it is by force to have children now, how dare you call her selfish for possibly not wanting kids, it is her life and her choice. Don't come here and start spewing your ignorance.

Girl, it is your choice, whatever you choose to do, as Ralph said, as long as you are aware of what your decisions might lead to, e.g possible loneliness, no kids,( unless, you decide to have kids as a single mum, which is also fine) but you are happy with it, then please do as you wish and do not feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. Your parents might nag but they will not stop loving you. And who knows one day you might even meet someone who will change your mind, but if not, its your life dear, live it how u please

 
At 13 December 2014 at 14:56 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

@anonymous 9.11 why d fowl language? every1 has d ryt to air deir opinion and pat dint say poster was selfish, maybe u nid to read pat's post again. You gave ur opinion jst like pat so wats d ish??
Ralph abeg begin to screen comments abeg. Sum pple acting like dey know it all.

@ poster wateva rocks ur boat is fyn just weigh both options at d end if d day its ur life. Some r married n want to go bk being single while sum r single n craves to b married. All in all d ball is in ur court.

 
At 13 December 2014 at 20:15 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

@Pat sorry for the fowl language

 
At 13 December 2014 at 21:53 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats on ur promotion....But come to think about it....after all the wealth u have, who will enjoy it with u?....1 of the reasons we hustle to make money is for the people we love to enjoy it(I.e is our children)....

 
At 28 April 2015 at 19:25 , Blogger Thelma's cake world said...

It is not gud 4 a woman to be alone,kindly put off ur miss independent attitude and humble urself who gud men can approach u,beyonce with al her money and fame stil gat a man by her side..

 

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