Dear Ralph: How do I choose between 3 men

Hi Ralph
        I've been reading your blog for some time now and I can say you are doing a good job. I need your advice, let me start from 4 years ago.  I started dating a guy, we were good together, he was my best friend, then 2 years later I got a job that transferred me to another town about 12 hours away. We started drifting apart because of the distance, though he came visiting twice in one year, the only quarrel we had was about a girl and he said they were just friends. After about a year I noticed we were more of friends than lovers and I started feeling lonely and there was this guy in my street, though younger but he makes me happy and we started dating, he was so nice but I knew we didn't have a future together, though he started planning about getting married early because of me but I knew it wasn't possible. About 5 months ago a guy was transferred to my office and last month he started asking me out and I have started developing feelings for him, he seemed serious about me. The problem now is that I don't know how to date someone in the same office with me and my other colleagues knows my other boyfriend. I don't know what to do now because my first boyfriend still calls to let me know he cares about me, I don't know what to do with the 3 of them again. Please advice...

                                                                                                                                             Christa B



Hello Christa
     
       Well first of all I think the problem is just that you are a little emotionally starved from the distance you and your boyfriend have. But you need to understand that there would be always problems no matter who you are dating. If you can still make it work with your first boyfriend then I think that would be your best option, there is nothing better than dating someone who is your best friend. Now I understand that the distance factor can be really challenging and can cause a lot of strain on your relationship but you two should discuss on how to work on that. If this is your own challenge in the relationship then don't toss it away because it isn't working now, try to work it out and put in your best. If you both still put your best in and it doesn't work and you both think it's best to let go then fine.
       Do not let the emotional loneliness force you into any kind of desperation and make you go into a relationship with people you know you wouldn't have anything with on a normal day. Now I am not saying that dating younger people or that dating someone in your office is wrong, I am just trying to tell you to make your selection wisely out of their qualities as humans and know if you can handle what might come with dating each person.
       At the end whatever you decide to do, whether go back to your first love, continue with the younger guy or go with the one in your office, just try and break it off with the remaining people so you can focus on one. Save yourself the all confusion and guilt.

                                                                                                                                                   Ralph