Dear Ralph: I am going through a lot at a young age

    Hi Ralph,
           I just visited your blog for the first time and I found it helpful especially those topics that we're inspirational. I am a 1st year student of law at U.N.N and i'm resuming school on Monday (yesterday). The problem I have most especially is with my parents. They have big issues with me, they say that I always answer them at my own time and always do things they ask me to do at my own pace. I know I am guilty of this sometimes but that's not because I want to, it is just a flaw in my personality. But their way of correcting me is so hurtful. This morning (on sunday) my mom just woke me up with a slap and because I didn't just jump up immediately she started accusing me that i'm so strange and am different from all her other kids. My dad also insulted me that I think book is everything (cos i'm very bright) That he wonders who will marry me, can you imagine? I want to change but even when I try the day I make a mistake they just attack me with full force. I am the only one in the house they treat like this I swear and it is affecting. They are just so discouraging, I also have a problem of being nervous when I sing in front of a crowd because of my low self esteem issues. Please reply soon. Am just sixteen and I feel so choked up, lonely and sad...Thanks

                                                                                                                                               Jenny






Dear Jenny

          First of all congrats on scoring U.N.N, you are now a lioness. I know what you feel but don't worry, you see your parents don't mean the things they say to hurt you. they only mean to make you better and I know you have been hearing that all your life but just give me a chance to explain better. They do not want to regret letting you off easy and risk you disappointing them in the future, although I know that the way they handle it is unfair. The reason they handle things like this is because they were brought up in that same way and that is the only way they know to make you a better person. They have no idea the hurt they are causing you so please just calm down for now and let us work this through. If you have a good rapport with your siblings then call them and try to organize a meeting with your parents so that you all can tell them what you feel about their manner of correction. They are your parents and even if they don't take action immediately you will definitely notice changes as you grow and with time. And I know how annoying it can be when you make an effort to change and they don't recognize it but just keep at it and very soon their view of you will gradually but surely start changing.
          Definitely this was what contributed majorly to your low self esteem. You can start making changes an act at a time. Make conscious efforts to build it up, from speaking more boldly to friends, then family and then more people form there, to your dressing also because dressing smart and comfortable boosts your confidence levels more than you might realize, when you know inside you that you are beautiful you will see your confidence boost up and it will reflect even in the way you walk. Polish up your vocabulary so that when you are confronted publicly you can stand your ground, it has also been proven to help a great deal. We will work together privately on some other ways to boost your confidence if you are up for it.
              Find a friend or a family member that you are really close to and have the person listen to you sing, let the person tell you what they feel. Make recordings of yourself singing and keep practicing. The recording will help you track your progress over time and your progress will encourage you to push further. All I want is for you to not just let your talent go because of this problem you are facing. You are talented and you know it so why are you holding yourself back? Even if it means starting from your bathroom and using your shower head as a microphone, just keep practicing with the goal of improving everyday.
          Finally let me say that no matter what, bad mannered corrections from friends, family or your parents. Don't dwell on the manner they make the corrections. Try to listen and make those corrections for your own sake. I know at times you will revolt and refuse to make changes because you don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they made you make a change in a rude way but if they make a good point then just listen and do what you have to do to become a better person. And don't worry about your dad asking about if you will ever marry. You will be fine, you are already talented, brilliant and beautiful so don't bother yourself. When the time for guys comes you will be ready for them and then your only problem will be choosing from the crowd that will come. Just stay focused on what's important for now which is improving yourself.

    You are never alone, you will find friends in uni and have so much fun and remember you can always write to me to help you through the tough times and the sad days, smile a little more for us okay? I really hope this message uplifts your spirit even if a tiny bit. Be safe dear and take it a day at a time....
 
                                                                                                                                               Ralph