Dear Ralph: He does it himself

Hello Raphael,
      I am a dating a guy who I know loves me so much. But my problem with him is that he makes these suspicious phone calls to other girls.But that isn't the only thing, the main problem is that he also jerks off a lot. I have always found myself disgusted by guys that engage in this because I believe it is disrespectful but it is getting worse with this guy. Each time we make love he doesn't finish off until he self services, then to crown it, he just lazily rolls over and sleeps off. I am beginning to feel like i'm not enough to satisfy him and generally I just really dislike the fact that he does it in the first place. How can I get him to stop this? He wants me to marry him but this is really creeping me out seriously.

                                                                                                                                               Amanda



Dear Amanda,

          Well first of all let us start with the suspicious phone calls, I would ask that you get closer to he's friends both male and female, so that if he calls a particular name you can picture the person and it will also help you know what they might be up to, but just to an extent. Don't be afraid to politely inquire who he spoke to on the phone as he gets off the phone. Let him know how important it is that you know who he's friends are if you guys are getting married, and don't be afraid to let him know you are concerned for the kind of calls he makes.Let him say he's own part and then you will know if there is reason to what he does.
         Now as for he's habit of self pleasure. I would have you understand that it is a natural act and that there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion, although I don't support doing it in front of a partner if he/she doesn't ask for it, but if you insist you want him to stop I would tell you a little trick you can use but still have you know that him stopping totally, won't be easy. Next time you guys are about to make love, have him start by jerking off and you watch him, then try to take he's hands and have him show you how in particular he likes it, let him show you what to do and how you were getting it wrong. He would know that you are concerned and that you just want to please him and he will really appreciate it, it might take some time but you both should keep practicing and he should keep showing you till you get the hang of it. Then maybe after a particular session you both talk things out, I hope you both talk because it is very important to have that heart to heart talk with your partner after intimacy. Anyway during the talk just let him know that you aren't comfortable with he's habit, that you really want to be the one to please him and generally let out what you feel about the act to him. Let him tell you also why he does it and you both reach an understanding. Just remember that the both of you should be understanding and soft in word with each other. That's part of the reason I say you two should talk it out after a "good session". But if you tow don't get to talk since you mention that he roles over and sleeps, then still voice it out later to him whenever you both talk, let him also know how you feel about him just sleeping off after the night activities.

Good luck to you two and I hope you guys sort everything out....

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph