Dear Ralph: My boss is abusive

Dear Ralph,
       I am a married Lady with a loving husband. I love my small family and really do not know why anybody would want to destroy what I have. I started to work at a company shortly after I got married. I was warned on time by my co-workers about my boss being a flirt and how he usually targets young ladies. I never knew that it was as serious as it actually is. He called me one day to the office while he was alone and started going on about how he wanted to be closer to me and I told him we were already friends. He went on and kept saying that I know what he means but I acted naive. That day he simply laughed and said okay that I shouldn't worry that I would later understand. The following day I was talking to a friend when he passed in between us and brushed my bosom with his shoulder. I kept quiet because I wanted to believe it was a mistake.
The next time was when I was in the printing room and he came and suddenly put his hands on around my waist and pressed himself close to my behind, he was already hard. I pushed him away and quickly walked away from the office, he kept at this and I didn't want to say anything until the day he approached me form behind again and squeezed my bum. I was so embarrassed because all the other workers were around and where looking at me. I shouted at him in front of everybody and warned him seriously. He has ever since made my life a living hell in that office. He is also threatening to sack me and I can't afford to loose my job because I know how the labor market in my country is. I have been trying to keep quiet but he has recently started with the abuse again. I really do not know what to do and I am very scared of what might happen next. Please how do I stop all this because I am really sick and tired of the abuse. If my husband finds out what is happening he would be angry at me. Please help me with an advice.

                                                                                                                                              Anonymous










Dear Anonymous,
        I think you should involve your husband first of all. You might think it wise to keep him away from this, maybe to protect yourself. But if things blow out of proportion he is going to read a different meaning into this. He might start reasoning along the lines of that, all this was happening and you never told him. And he might mistake it for you actually enjoying and giving in to what your boss is doing. I think you and your husband should start thinking of possible options and ways to leave that work place all together. Because think of it, if you give in to him you would ruin your marriage and I am sure you aren't ready for that. If it comes out in the open you are ready to loose your job and who is to say that if you give in he won't just take what he wants from you and still leave you. Now if you don't give in there is a big chance that he would still sack you. So why not just utilize this time to look for another job while turning him down. Because to me, or else he decides to start picking on someone else, you are still going to end up losing that job.

Talk to friends and maybe your parents for possible job opportunities. Look into different options and even any small scale businesses you can start for now. That your work place isn't healthy for you and your marriage. You might decide to talk to your boss and tell him that you are married and that you find what he does abusive. But I doubt these are things he doesn't know already. But just in case, you could just exhaust that option to fulfill all righteousness and know at the back of your mind that at least you tried.

If he still continues, you can decide to call in the authorities and report him. Like the police or any other agency that might deal with abuse. Although if you do that and he is put away you would still loose your job. If the place is his own, the company would still fall without his presence and you would still be out of a job. But if not, if he is just a manager then you might be in some luck because chances are the director would still employ a different manager and hopefully that one won't be abusive. So please just first of all go and tell your husband and protect your family. It is possible your husband might have ideas and suggestions also that would help you out of this condition.

No woman should have to go through this, I am really sorry you are victim. Please speak up about this because your silence is going to lead this thing on. Your silence might be mistaken for submission and the case could get worse and could escalate to who knows what. Please I ask you once again to speak up

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph