Dear Ralph: My husband still plays video games

Dear Ralph,
       Please Help me out o! I have been married for 7 years now. My husband is 36 years and he still plays video games like a child. I just get very angry when I walk into the parlor and see him lost inside the toys and cartoons that he is controlling. Our kids do not get engrossed in this thing like him but maybe it's because they are still very small. But he is now involving them in it, carrying them to go and be playing game with him. And I even thought that when we marry or after the kids come out that he would at least start acting more mature. But not for this man, the first thing he remembers when he walks into the house is the controller.
When visitors come to the house I feel so embarrassed when I look and see the video game lying down there, the day that they will ask I would have to lie and say it's the children that own it. And to make it worse the kind of friends he keeps are just like him. All of them would come and scatter the living room, they would be everywhere pressing game and just being stupid. I am tired of all this, we even had a big fight last week Wednesday because of this he's habit. It get bad to the extent that I would be talking to him and asking him questions and his answers to me would be off. He doesn't concentrate when he picks that pad. I am so sick and tired of it honestly. Please is this a normal behavior among you men Ralph. Is this what all of you do, I doubt it because I have dated other men before marrying and they weren't this childish. Please advice me because I am losing my patience, I would smash his game very soon. Please don't even use my name fort his post. I am ashamed enough already. Thank you

                                                                                                                                             Anonymous









Dear Anonymous,
             There actually isn't anything I see wrong with him loving he's video games. It's just something that interests him. You might just be worrying too much over nothing. There are lots of guys out there that are even older than him that still like to grab a game pad once in a while and have a little fun. It's quite fun I must say. Lol

But then it could also be a problem I admit. If he has gotten to the extent where he neglects his daily duties as a man and can't make a reasonable conversation with you then you are right to be concerned. If it is affecting him and he's ability to make critical decisions or that when things get serious he still can't control himself and pull away from the game, then it has gotten quite extreme. By then you both would have to consider making a decision like putting the gaming away for some time. At least until he is able to align his priorities properly. You would have to address this concern of yours and know a way to deal with it together with him.But just be patient for now and take things easy. Don't act out of anger because this isn't something that you can't solve with a cool approach.

Actually this can provide a good source of recreation and good opportunity for you both to bond even more. By that I mean that instead of fighting it, try to understand it more. Try and just do it with him and know what he enjoys so much in it. You would find that even though you might not enjoy the game the way he does, you would get to understand him more and might grow to tolerate the habit a little more. And who knows, you might even start enjoying it with time, so just give it a chance okay? Liking gaming really doesn't determine if a man is childish or not. Just don't take it away from him or the kids like that, especially the kids. It is quite educational if you select the particular ones that the kids play. And there is no way you would know how to select if you do not try and understand what its about.

I personally am still a gamer. And I like to think that you wouldn't come to seek advice from a gamer if all of us where childish would you? So don't judge him just by that okay?  Your husband isn't childish so don't be embarrassed. This is perfectly normal. Yes there are guys that don't game but then everyone has a choice right? Just the same way some girls prefer sneakers to high heels. Or even play candy crush on their phones and tablets, those are games also. So just don't worry yourself too much about this. It isn't much of a big deal.

                                                                                                                                                   Ralph