Dear Ralph: My friend is too free

Dear Ralph,
         I have a good friend that I have been trying to advice on some of her behaviors. She is too free and open with strangers. No matter who it is, she just welcomes the person anyhow. I have told her that it is very dangerous and that she could get hurt but she won't listen to me. I have tried everything I can to talk to her. Now one thing that she does that really embarrasses me is the way she dances in the club. She is a real dirty dancer and she allows any guy dance with her and put their hands all over her. I keep telling her how she would attract the wrong people by the false signal she is throwing everywhere. I have tried to talk to her and tell her to stop it but she isn't planning on stopping anytime. She says that she grew up to be free and that I should leave her but I am really concerned and people seeing the both of us together all the time would make them think I am the same thing. This is affecting me as a person and spoiling my image. Please how can I go about this and get her to stop. Thank you

                                                                                                                                                         Bola










Dear Bola,
        Your friend is just being herself and that's why she might not be seeing any consequence in what she is doing.However I know why you are concerned and the dangers things like this can cause for her. I think if you want to talk to her you should talk to her with reasons. State real life situations and show her examples. Point out obvious facts and things she might be overlooking. You might just be talking and she won't be able to picture the possibility of what you are saying so you need to paint a good picture for her. If possible you both should go out together, like next time you two go clubbing and decide not to dance that day. If you see someone doing the same thing she usually does then point it out to her and show her how you feel when she acts like that. Let her see herself from another angle and understand better. Not that I support people doing things based on what other people think about them but sometimes it also helps. Talking to her without backing up with reasons is another thing that would not help her understand, so you need to always include reasons for her when you speak.

I guess as you said her upbringing is partly responsible for this. But it isn't something that can't be corrected. Although in some cases when a persons character is well rooted in them because of their background, it become more difficult for them to make changes even if they are willing to. In that case a real life experience of the consequences that her behavior can bring would help her realize what she is doing. Although I really hope it never gets to that.

Also she could just be trying to have some fun so don't let it affect you too much. That is some peoples own way of letting go and just enjoying life. Don't be so embarrassed and understand that she is your friend and not you. Anybody that judges you by looking at her without even trying to get to know you is wrong. So don't be scared of that.  Just concentrated more on how to help her out as a friend and try to understand her a little more.

It's just a pity that in our present world, people with open hearts and free minds are often misread and their intentions are often misunderstood. If not, things would have been easier and you wouldn't need to worry about anything. But just take it easy with her and be there for her.

                                                                                                                                                  Ralph