Dear Ralph: My husband wants me to remove it

  Dear Ralph,
           I have been bearing this for sometime and I think it is time I got it out there. I need the best advice I can get as I am dead confused. I and my husband have been together for almost 9 years now and we still haven't been blessed with a child. This has really disturbed me for some time and it even caused a problem some years back when my husband's mum almost threw me out of the house saying that I do not want to give her  a grandchild. We battled that one and I survived it, it was really a tough period but I finally got through that. Recently I was surprised with a good news, Ralph after 9 years of waiting and praying seriously, I was finally blessed with a fruit of the womb. I was so excited and I was jumping for joy. I contained myself and waited for my husband to come home so that I would surprise him with the good news. When he came back and I told him I was surprised and shocked with the way he reacted next.
My husband that has been with me and witnessed the pain I have felt and struggles in the society, having to walk among my fellow women and friends who I married earlier than. All of them carrying children and some more than 2 even. My husband simply said okay and left me to go to the room. I was confused and kept quiet, I thought it was because of something that happened at work so I forgot the news and asked him if something happened at work and he said no. I bore the pain and disappointment and waited for it to die down. But just last two weeks he called me and asked me how the pregnancy was and I was happy to tell him that it was going fine. That was when he sat me down and told me that I had to remove it. I thought he was joking at first but he just repeated it to me, "remove it". I couldn't even say anything because I have never been able to reason things with him. I have been crying and confused ever since. I do not know what to do. I don't want to anger him or go against him because I know I should be a good wife and respect my man. But I don't want to loose this either. I am weak, I don't know what to do. Please what can I do, how do I start. I am really lost. I am confused and just totally heartbroken. Please help me out with any advice you can offer.

                                                                                                                                     Anonymous












Dear Anonymous,
             Just hold on and don't take any decision you would regret, don't rush into anything at all. First of all you need to get over your fear of angering your husband by speaking to him. I always say it that the only thing you can do is be polite and know how to talk to your man. But the fear of speaking at all, in a relationship that is this old is really not healthy for you. Please you need to speak to him and know he's reason for making such a suggestion. Let him explain to you if it is fear or something else that is causing him to act like this.
        Have you two had any fight recently? Is there something that has happened before? Did you both discuss and conclude against bearing any children? Is this he's usual reaction to things? There has to be something. There has to be an explanation to why he has decided on this choice.

Also I can't help but notice that when you said you were almost chased out of the house you omitted your husband's action. So did he support you at that point or was he also voting for you to be thrown out? You need to look in between the lines and find out more things. There has to be something that you are overlooking. Have you offended him in any way? Has the marriage been falling apart? Do you trust him and is he faithful?

Please learn how to talk to your husband. You talk to him the way he would understand and be able to relate with you. It is really important in your relationship. The importance of proper communication is something I cannot emphasize well enough on. So I'll be waiting for your feedback. Please do not terminate anything yet. Just calm down and clear your head. I'll be here for you when you have he's reasons.

                                                                                                                                                 Ralph