Dear Ralph: My man is abusive

Hello Raphael,
            I wanted to know if you could help with something that has been bothering me for some years. I have dated my boyfriend for 3 years now and all through those years I have suffered physical abuse from him. He hits me anytime he gets angry and really roughens me up. I am really tired of all the fights and its affecting me psychologically, I hardly eat these days and it seems its getting worse. The problem is that I love this man and I don't want to loose him because apart from the physical abuse he is really good deep down. He recently proposed to me and I accepted but now I am getting really scared of living the rest of my life with someone that hits me all the time. Please how can I make him stop because I am losing it day by day. Please I want to remain anonymous thank you.



Dear anonymous
               You should have put your foot down form the first time you noticed he's behavior, it seems he has gotten comfortable with hitting you over the years and you still sticking around. But let us not dwell on what you should have done and go to what you should do. Does he admit that he needs help to stop hitting you? if he does then you both need to go see a therapist that can help him with anger management. If it is something that you do that is annoying and it is what causes him to hit you then you also need to work on yourself but either way it is wrong to get physical on a person be it man or woman in a relationship. If on the other hand he has gotten used to it and feels that it is the only way to do it then you might actually need to start thinking of breaking it off. In as much as I hate talking about splitting up and I try to find solutions to problems at a point you have to draw the line for your own good. If not for yourself think of your children in the future that will grow up to see their mum being physically abused all the time. Think of your daughter that might grow up with the fear of ever getting married because the man she know is a wife beater. It is not too late you can still do something but the sooner the better. If what is keeping you with him is the fear of not finding another person then you are making a huge mistake. You need to know that there are plenty men who would possess better qualities than him out there and still not lift a finger at you.
       Please my dear think of the future and act wisely. Your family and your entire happiness depends on it. Go talk to him as soon as possible for the therapy suggestion. Please do get back to me and we would keep working together. Stay safe and be strong, you are far more valuable than you know.

                                                                                                                                                        Ralph