Dear Ralph: My husband doesn't like my work.

Hi Raphael,

          I have a situation that I don't know how to handle. I am from the north central and my husband is from the north west. We have been married for 9 years and blessed with children. I am a working mother, a public servant specifically and my husband is the same. We are very financially stable even though my husband makes much more than I do. I do not lack anything because he provides me with everything I need and he take really good care of me and the kids. But lately he has started showing signs of not being happy with me working. In my office our work is seasonal so I close late. Let's say 7:00 pm which of cos he is not happy with.
Last night he  refused to allow me go for our office function to the extent that my boss called me twice to find out why I wasn't at the venue. I couldn't tell her the situation because I find it embarrassing. This makes the second time in three months I have been issued query because of him. He doesn't want to listen to me at all. Please what do I do. I love my job and I don't want to loose it. I told him about the first time he caused me a query but I haven't told him about this time. He pushed me to loving my job because he hardly stays at home or even play with us. He is always out so I decided to marry my job to build my career. I wanted to travel  out to purchase a product to use and run my own business but he refused and said he doesn't support that. I have gotten so pissed off and can't even talk with him, I am presently avoiding any thing that would make us speak to each other. Please what do I do?

                                                                                                                                              Halimah

Dear Halimah,

          Here is what I want you to do. When you talk to him, which I am hoping you do soon enough. Tell him that he's actions are going to cost you your job and express your passion for your job to him. Let him know that your job is among what is giving the home the financial stability that it's experiencing but don't claim to be the major bread winner. Give him he's credit and show appreciation for the one's he does, just express that your job is also important. But let him know that you are willing to quit the job but that you would need to keep busy. Remind him of the trip you wanted to make to buy things for opening a private business and that he refused, let him know that if you can do that you would be your own boss and your closing time would be yours to choose. My aim is for you to lay everything out on the table for him at once to see. You see, seeing that he isn't the one being refused one thing at a time, he might never really understand how hurtful it can be. He might easily forget that it is accumulating seeing that it is done over time, maybe one today and the next time would be in a month or more. But you on the other hand who is receiving the rejection would keep remembering and this could lead to misunderstanding if it keeps up like this. So just lay everything out for him to see. Let him understand how you are feeling and then he might be able to make some changes. Just remember that the most important thing in this situation is your manner of approach. Do not speak rudely or shout, just talk calmly. So if you have to wait until the anger in you dies down then please do just that. Remember your aim is to promote peace and understanding in your household.

As for him not having time for you people, you would have to make out some time and address this. Maybe you can get him at that moment that you guys talk. Not when you are complaining, more like when you both are through with the major problem and are making peace after the talk and it seems he is beginning to understand you more. Let him know that you miss him and that you would love to spend some more time with him and the kids together. He would really appreciate it if you let it out in the right manner. You both can then use that time to discuss how to make time or schedule something. Like a way to have some family time even if it is on Sundays, or once in 2 weeks. At least something for you to always look forward to. It could be anything from a small family dinner to a vacation and arranged time out from work that falls in simultaneously for you two. So you two should just play around with ideas and different things you can do. Something is bound to work out.

Lastly I just wanted to say that I am so happy that apart from this problem, that you have a happy home and that you appreciate it the way you do. It isn't something easy to find these days so I am really proud of you, kudos to you for a job well done. Just remember that every household has their own problems, the secret is patience and continuous effort from the both of you.


                                                                                                                                                     Ralph