Dear Ralph: Should I date him or follow my heart

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Ralph deals with everyday life issues from relationship, marriage, self esteem, Insecurities, Family, Parenting Issues, Fitness, Health and many more. Generally when you need advice or a friend to help you through those troubles you are facing in your life you can AskRalph. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issues. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright then, let's do this!







Dear Ralph,


Just read about your blog. Nice work! I Met a guy not too long, as time grew, he offered to be more than just friend. He said he wanted a stronger relationship of which I was not interested. I realized he just was too demanding. I truly loved him,but can't just get more committed to him. He says a lot of things now, like I have hurt him a lot. How do I handle it because am confused whether to date him so I won't hurt him again or follow my heart and let him be?


Lauretta







Dear Lauretta,

First of all I want to say that you shouldn't go into a relationship because you feel pity for a person. A relationship involves two people that actually want to be together. Being with someone as a favor to the person is only going to bring you more hurt than is supposed to when or if you aren't being appreciated the way you want to be. I find that people who go into relationships for this reason have a short length of patience as compared to those who go into a relationship because that is what they actually want to do. This is because these people feel like they are doing their partner a favor by being with them. So I personally feel that going into a relationship that you originally didn't want to be in simply because you feel guilty for the other persons emotions isn't very good. Secondly, you mentioned that you love him but do not want to go into the relationship because you don't feel you can stay committed to him. My advice for this is that you should give yourself a little more time, do not rush into it just yet. Give yourself time and your heart and mind would in time pick, for good reason, if you should go ahead with this or not.

I also understand that you feel a bit confused so I'll highlight a couple of things that might happen for you. If you decide to go into this relationship with him, just as I have stated you might find yourself constantly angry at any sign of lack of appreciation for "what you did for him". This could easily break the relationship before it gets the chance to last for a reasonable length of time. However there is also a possibility that you will get to feel the same thing that he feels with time. Your emotions might actually change towards him and you might grow to love him and want more commitment from him and from you. This doesn't always happen so you shouldn't be waiting for it, just go with the flow and expect nothing. If it happens then it happens, if it doesn't then do not regret anything, take it as an experience and move on.
   
If you decide not to do this with him then you have to stand your ground. Being guilt tripped into a relationship isn't the way to start a healthy relationship. So if you choose this option, simply let him know that this isn't what you want and that you have to think of your own happiness also. Let him know that you don't feel it will work. He might try harder to guilt trip you but you have to learn to stand your ground for your own good and for his own good too.

Finally I just want to say that it is also okay to get into the relationship just to see how it works out. Do not, go into this because you want to make him feel better about himself. Do it, if you must just for the experience and to see how it will play out. It might lead to something good or it might not, no one can tell. If you feel like this will destroy your friendship with him then you also have to think about that. Take your time, do not let the guilt you feel influence your decision. If you have to do this, then do it only because you want to and not for anybody. Everything will work out fine and as it should in the end. Welcome to the family Lauretta.



Ralph