This Page

has moved to a new address:

http://ask-ralph.com/b

Sorry for the inconvenienceā€¦

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
----------------------------------------------- Blogger Template Style Name: Rounders Date: 27 Feb 2004 ----------------------------------------------- */ body { background:#aba; margin:0; padding:20px 10px; text-align:center; font:x-small/1.5em "Trebuchet MS",Verdana,Arial,Sans-serif; color:#333; font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small; } /* Page Structure ----------------------------------------------- */ /* The images which help create rounded corners depend on the following widths and measurements. If you want to change these measurements, the images will also need to change. */ @media all { #content { width:740px; margin:0 auto; text-align:left; } #main { width:485px; float:left; background:#fff url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_main_bot.gif") no-repeat left bottom; margin:15px 0 0; padding:0 0 10px; color:#000; font-size:97%; line-height:1.5em; } #main2 { float:left; width:100%; background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_main_top.gif") no-repeat left top; padding:10px 0 0; } #main3 { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/rails_main.gif") repeat-y; padding:0; } #sidebar { width:240px; float:right; margin:15px 0 0; font-size:97%; line-height:1.5em; } } @media handheld { #content { width:90%; } #main { width:100%; float:none; background:#fff; } #main2 { float:none; background:none; } #main3 { background:none; padding:0; } #sidebar { width:100%; float:none; } } /* Links ----------------------------------------------- */ a:link { color:#258; } a:visited { color:#666; } a:hover { color:#c63; } a img { border-width:0; } /* Blog Header ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #header { background:#456 url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_cap_top.gif") no-repeat left top; margin:0 0 0; padding:8px 0 0; color:#fff; } #header div { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_cap_bot.gif") no-repeat left bottom; padding:0 15px 8px; } } @media handheld { #header { background:#456; } #header div { background:none; } } #blog-title { margin:0; padding:10px 30px 5px; font-size:200%; line-height:1.2em; } #blog-title a { text-decoration:none; color:#fff; } #description { margin:0; padding:5px 30px 10px; font-size:94%; line-height:1.5em; } /* Posts ----------------------------------------------- */ .date-header { margin:0 28px 0 43px; font-size:85%; line-height:2em; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#357; } .post { margin:.3em 0 25px; padding:0 13px; border:1px dotted #bbb; border-width:1px 0; } .post-title { margin:0; font-size:135%; line-height:1.5em; background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_arrow.gif") no-repeat 10px .5em; display:block; border:1px dotted #bbb; border-width:0 1px 1px; padding:2px 14px 2px 29px; color:#333; } a.title-link, .post-title strong { text-decoration:none; display:block; } a.title-link:hover { background-color:#ded; color:#000; } .post-body { border:1px dotted #bbb; border-width:0 1px 1px; border-bottom-color:#fff; padding:10px 14px 1px 29px; } html>body .post-body { border-bottom-width:0; } .post p { margin:0 0 .75em; } p.post-footer { background:#ded; margin:0; padding:2px 14px 2px 29px; border:1px dotted #bbb; border-width:1px; border-bottom:1px solid #eee; font-size:100%; line-height:1.5em; color:#666; text-align:right; } html>body p.post-footer { border-bottom-color:transparent; } p.post-footer em { display:block; float:left; text-align:left; font-style:normal; } a.comment-link { /* IE5.0/Win doesn't apply padding to inline elements, so we hide these two declarations from it */ background/* */:/**/url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_comment.gif") no-repeat 0 45%; padding-left:14px; } html>body a.comment-link { /* Respecified, for IE5/Mac's benefit */ background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_comment.gif") no-repeat 0 45%; padding-left:14px; } .post img { margin:0 0 5px 0; padding:4px; border:1px solid #ccc; } blockquote { margin:.75em 0; border:1px dotted #ccc; border-width:1px 0; padding:5px 15px; color:#666; } .post blockquote p { margin:.5em 0; } /* Comments ----------------------------------------------- */ #comments { margin:-25px 13px 0; border:1px dotted #ccc; border-width:0 1px 1px; padding:20px 0 15px 0; } #comments h4 { margin:0 0 10px; padding:0 14px 2px 29px; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; font-size:120%; line-height:1.4em; color:#333; } #comments-block { margin:0 15px 0 9px; } .comment-data { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_comment.gif") no-repeat 2px .3em; margin:.5em 0; padding:0 0 0 20px; color:#666; } .comment-poster { font-weight:bold; } .comment-body { margin:0 0 1.25em; padding:0 0 0 20px; } .comment-body p { margin:0 0 .5em; } .comment-timestamp { margin:0 0 .5em; padding:0 0 .75em 20px; color:#666; } .comment-timestamp a:link { color:#666; } .deleted-comment { font-style:italic; color:gray; } .paging-control-container { float: right; margin: 0px 6px 0px 0px; font-size: 80%; } .unneeded-paging-control { visibility: hidden; } /* Profile ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #profile-container { background:#cdc url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_prof_bot.gif") no-repeat left bottom; margin:0 0 15px; padding:0 0 10px; color:#345; } #profile-container h2 { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_prof_top.gif") no-repeat left top; padding:10px 15px .2em; margin:0; border-width:0; font-size:115%; line-height:1.5em; color:#234; } } @media handheld { #profile-container { background:#cdc; } #profile-container h2 { background:none; } } .profile-datablock { margin:0 15px .5em; border-top:1px dotted #aba; padding-top:8px; } .profile-img {display:inline;} .profile-img img { float:left; margin:0 10px 5px 0; border:4px solid #fff; } .profile-data strong { display:block; } #profile-container p { margin:0 15px .5em; } #profile-container .profile-textblock { clear:left; } #profile-container a { color:#258; } .profile-link a { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_profile.gif") no-repeat 0 .1em; padding-left:15px; font-weight:bold; } ul.profile-datablock { list-style-type:none; } /* Sidebar Boxes ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { .box { background:#fff url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_side_top.gif") no-repeat left top; margin:0 0 15px; padding:10px 0 0; color:#666; } .box2 { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_side_bot.gif") no-repeat left bottom; padding:0 13px 8px; } } @media handheld { .box { background:#fff; } .box2 { background:none; } } .sidebar-title { margin:0; padding:0 0 .2em; border-bottom:1px dotted #9b9; font-size:115%; line-height:1.5em; color:#333; } .box ul { margin:.5em 0 1.25em; padding:0 0px; list-style:none; } .box ul li { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/icon_arrow_sm.gif") no-repeat 2px .25em; margin:0; padding:0 0 3px 16px; margin-bottom:3px; border-bottom:1px dotted #eee; line-height:1.4em; } .box p { margin:0 0 .6em; } /* Footer ----------------------------------------------- */ #footer { clear:both; margin:0; padding:15px 0 0; } @media all { #footer div { background:#456 url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_cap_top.gif") no-repeat left top; padding:8px 0 0; color:#fff; } #footer div div { background:url("https://resources.blogblog.com/blogblog/data/rounders/corners_cap_bot.gif") no-repeat left bottom; padding:0 15px 8px; } } @media handheld { #footer div { background:#456; } #footer div div { background:none; } } #footer hr {display:none;} #footer p {margin:0;} #footer a {color:#fff;} /* Feeds ----------------------------------------------- */ #blogfeeds { } #postfeeds { padding:0 15px 0; }

Thursday 18 December 2014

Dear Ralph: About to be a single mother


Hello Ralph,
         Seasons greetings to you, your email was given to me by a friend whom you helped off the blog recently (remalicious is her bb name). I am in a very serious problem. I met my boyfriend when I was in my 1st year in school. We started dating but I was being careful regardless of any kind of pressure he put on me to give up my innocence to him. I kept it up for about a year and gave into pressure after some time. We have been at it since then and he personally doesn't like to use any protection because it "feels better". I tried to talk him out of it but find myself powerless most times when we talk, he is very good at persuading me. So I just went with it saying that since he plans on marrying me soon that we have nothing to be afraid of, I was very stupid for that. Well our luck ran out and I missed my "red alert" for some weeks. I called him and told him of this and he didn't say anything.
When he came over the next day he said I should be truthful to him, that I cheated on him. I was surprised and angry that he could insinuate something like that but he kept on insisting. He said that it's because his parent's are rich that is why I want to tie him down but that he won't carry another persons baby. He left me and told me not to disgrace his families name for him, that I wan't him to be a shame in the eyes of his parents. I felt like I was stabbed with a knife and I kept crying. I have been trying to reach him but I can't get to him anymore, his friends aren't helping and I don't know what else to do. Part of the problem is that my parents do not know yet. I am still in school and my finals is coming up, I am not concentrating in school and I might fail. I don't have a job and I can't get any in my current state. I don't know if I should remove this burden once and for all and get back to my life. I am just lost and don't know what else to do. I have been crying everyday ever since this event. Please what do I do, where do I go. I want him back and I feel very sorry that I chased him away with this, I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. I just don't know anymore, I am tired.

                                                                                                                                               Anonymous















Dear Anonymous,
        First of all I need you to take a deep breather and calm down. You do not want to be making any decisions that you would regret because of your current state. So just calm down and listen to what I have to say. If you do not understand at the end because of what you are going through then have a friend explain better to you or still write to me and i'll keep doing my best for you. So here are some things you might want to consider.

I think you should tell your parents about this, the longer you prolong telling them the worse it would get when you eventually have to tell them. You are only delaying the inevitable and the sooner your mom knows, the sooner she would be able to give you tips on how to take better care of your body at this delicate stage. She is experienced so she needs to know, that is where your best help would come from at this point. Partly what I mean by this is that you shouldn't even think of removing your baby. It isn't a burden, it is your blessing, it has come in a different and questionable way but do not mistake it for something else. This baby is going to bring joy and happiness to you, just open up your heart for it. The journey won't be easy but you are a woman and you are built tough and you are strong enough to go through this, you just don't know it yet.

Now when you put to bed, you can decide to give the baby to your parents until you are done with school or at least have them take care of the child while you look for a job. This is just a suggestion, I don't know how your folks might see this. So the best thing would be to suggest this to them if you buy the idea, let them say what they feel and put in their own suggestion. I don't know how heavy you are right now and how soon you expect to put to bed, if not, if I had that info combined with your school calendar I might have been able to suggest something good for you. So get back to me with details as soon as you can so that I can help arrange things for you. But please do not give up on your school, if it means you spending an extra year in school and having to pull out for now, then just do it. Your baby should come first for now, just ride things out in school for as long as you can but if the environment and stress is becoming bad for your baby and you still aren't doing good enough in school, then give school some time for now, it's no use loosing out on both sides. You can always return later and finish up, make sure you go through the correct procedure for this if you choose it so that you aren't seen as absent in school. Some schools would rusticate you for that.

As for your boyfriend, I wouldn't tell you to leave him, it is a choice you would make on your own but just consider if you want to have someone around you that would accuse you and bolt on you just when you need them the most or in the first sign of trouble. If you do decide you want to go back then you can still try to convince him that the baby is his own maybe by a DNA sample or any other medical means that would show full proof. Hopefully he would be able to take you back. But remember that you aren't very okay now, so don't decide anything on this yet. Just give yourself some time to think about this. Most likely you are blaming yourself for this because you feel you don't have any other place to go. But please don't do that to yourself, you and your baby deserve love. Do not feel like you chased him away, left for me he left on his own. So stop beating yourself up for mistakes that you didn't make.

Getting a job at this point wouldn't be very easy and when you get one, you would have to leave after some time to take care of your baby. So I would suggest that you still speak with your folk about this in particular. You all should put your heads together and know if there is any financial assistance that can be give from any reliable place for now.

It might not be going so good for you right now but tomorrow will be better I promise you. Please take things easy and do not make any irrational decision at this state. Give yourself some time and know that you can always write to me and the family, we would help as much as we can. You can always get love, help and support from here. We are here for you.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph

Labels: ,

2 Comments:

At 18 December 2014 at 18:13 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

did i read well??? u want him bak ke? My dear u beta open ur eyes ooo a guy dt acted like dt to u wld do worst tins to u so pls jst move on cos he's nt worth d stress. Dint he know d type of family he's from b4 putting u in a family way,y dint he use protection? even u at dis age n tym wen u know d implications of him nt protecting himself cnt u protect ursef too???
Anyways God help u as u decide on d path to take.

Honeydrop

 
At 16 May 2015 at 12:02 , Blogger Thelma's cake world said...

Poster,which one is you feel sorry chasing him away..what's that for eh?,wasn't he the one that impregnated you?,wasn't he the person that took away ur innocence?...he's just an immature guy who ran away from his responsiblity.....I'd advice you keep the baby and inform your parent about it,its never gonna be an easy talk with them but uve got to do it,please don't abort the baby.

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home