Dear Ralph: My depressed Roommate

Hello Ralph,
         I have this friend who is constantly depressed, he is unable to go for lectures once it kicks in and I have been talking to him to go to a hospital but he refuses. I think it is something about his home that affected him. He is my roommate and honestly, his mood gets to me. For the 3 years we have stayed together in school, I cannot tell you of up to 10 days straight that he kept a happy or normal mood. He is either lost in thought of something or curled up on his bed for another. He complained of his uncle that he stays with that maltreats him. His parents aren't really having so he was sent to live in his uncles place from a young age. He stays with his nephews and nieces and he complains of the difference in treatment.
How he is easily abused by people that he can easily handle but has to keep quiet. While he was away I think one of his brothers passed away due to an illness and things got worse from there because that his brother was the only person he could talk to.Now he just stays by himself. I have never come across something like this before and don't know how to handle it. Please you advice and suggestions would be very appreciated. Thank you

                                                                                                                                                 Dickson












Dear Dickson,
         I am sorry to hear of your roommates situation and also sorry that it affects you the way it does. People like this mostly need someone to show them genuine care and interest. So when he speaks to you, try to put yourself in his shoes to understand some of the pain he might be feeling, it would help you relate better to him and his situation. Then show him that you really want to help and encourage him to speak more to you about his problems. It is a difficult task so you have to have the mental patience because there would be times he would take out the anger on you.  Let him know that you are interested in helping him. Also do not let him feel like you want to replace the brother that he lost, it is safe to mention it out loud to him. Just tell him that you want to do your best to make sure that he is alright.

Some people who go through these things in life just need you to give them a nudge on the shoulder sometimes and tell them that everything would be okay. Reassure them that they are more they are more than what they are facing and give them a little "absent minded hope". Then you can go ahead and try to engage in discussions that would take his mind off things. And to do that efficiently you would need to know his interest and hubbies. Let him learn to distract himself by engaging in the things he loves doing, preferably something productive. By doing that he would build his self confidence and see by himself that he can't be defined by the things he is facing now. Also by doing something productive you would be able to talk him into starting something out and trying to make something of himself. If he is able to reduce his dependency on his uncle, things would get a lot better for him. Do things to distract him from his negative thoughts because him dwelling on that isn't going to help him much especially if it something in the past. If it is a situation at hand then try to work with him to provide meaningful solutions to his problems.

You should know that listening to his problems would pull your own mood down, so it is very natural. You have to be strong for him to keep your spirit up. As I said before, this is a difficult task and you really need a lot of patience to take on another persons problems and treat them like your own. You have to have genuine interest in helping out for things to work out. If you feel yourself drowning in his sorrow then take a little time off and get yourself in the right frame of mind before trying again, remember that you can't help someone up if you are down yourself.

Be strong for your friend and be there for him. Any hints of suicidal tendencies then you should think about calling his parents and informing them before it gets too far. Keep an eye out for him and try to read his actions to know when his case is getting worse. Keep talking to him about visiting a therapist and if he is scared of drugs just assure him that it would be like talking to a friend. Also if you feel you can handle it then offer to go with him for the sessions or at least some of them. You two should be safe and careful, depression is a very dangerous thing. If he needs an anonymous friend to talk to then he can get my pin on the contact section of the channel. I would be willing to do what I can to help out also.

                                                                                                                                                      Ralph