Dear Ralph: Is it wrong to leave my church and join my wife to be in her own?

Dear Ralph,
        I am about to get married to my fiance. We have a very okay relationship, just like every other couple out there we fight and make up. But one particular thing has been a major problem. We are both Christians but we attend two different churches. I wouldn't mention the churches here because I know how these disputes about religion can be but all you need to know is that we don't go to the same denomination. My mum has been really angry and at first wouldn't even let me get married to her.
My dad on the other hand has never really been a religious persons so he just gets up and leaves us whenever the arguments come on. I have spoken to a couple of my friends and they say that I should be a man and stand my ground, that what sort of my would I be to give her the power to dictate the church we go and many other things they said. Now the thing is that, I personally do not care. I am just like my dad, I do not care. My mum dragged my dad to the church denomination that we all attend now and the man didn't care if he was switching or not. That is exactly the way I am, if she says we should change from Christianity I would happily follow her as long as she knows what she is doing. She is more of the spiritual one and I trust her to be the spiritual leader of my household. The thing is that everybody is putting in too much pressure and I am really getting confused, their headache is becoming too much. Is it really that bad that I do not care? Is it must that I would keep going to my own church just because I am the man in the relationship. Thanks for your anticipated reply.

                                                                                                                                                       Obinna









Dear Obinna,
        I do not see anything wrong with you changing your denomination. If you are comfortable with it then go ahead and do what you want to do. It is your family and you should know the best decisions that you would be comfortable to live with. If you really do not mind then just go ahead with it. Women are usually the stronger ones spiritually in most domestic homes these days and even in the past. So it is no surprise that some men leave their churches these days and start attending their wives own. So carry on, as long as you are fine with it. This whole talk of you being a "man" and "standing your ground" doesn't really make much sense to me in this case. It is okay to stand on some decisions but if your woman makes the right one this time then you should allow her make it and follow her lead, it is allowed to follow her at times. So do not let your friends pressure you into doing anything you do not want.

Somehow you wouldn't blame your mum. There is a reason she is in her church and she stays there because she believes in that church more to be the best there is out there. So the fact that you are being taken to another church, to her it seems like you are being pulled backwards and no mother would have that. So you should just try and understand with her and also explain to your future wife why things are the way they are.  Then you still have to find a way to balance things out with your mum. Maybe speak to your wife and mum and reach an agreement. Like maybe getting married in your own church and then going to her own church after wedding for the rest of the marriage or vice-versa. So just think about it and know which one you might be able handle, there are many ways you can juggle this, there are many conclusions that can help balance things out so just play with different possibilities.

At the end of the day it is still all your choice, remember that. Everyone that is putting in their suggestion,including me isn't going to live in your house with you. Talk things over with your wife to be and reach a reasonable conclusion that wouldn't cause any harm to any or you two, if you can consider your different household then do. As long as you two are in good sync, every other thing should be easier. Hope you sort this out. Hit me up for extra help and the email stays the same. Take care for now.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph