Dear Ralph: Inferiority complex

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!

I would have posted this one 3 days ago but I shifted it on purpose because of our months focus, so @ poster please forgive the late reply.

Dear Ralph,

         I've been following your blog since the ending of last year quietly, although I never comment but I appreciate what you do. Your inspiration posts are the ones I look forward to because I am suffering from inferiority complex. Your posts give me the hope I need in life but then after I read them and go into the world, the things that happen everyday find a way of taking your words of wisdom from me. I then decided to come directly and ask for you to talk to me and help me. I am 22 years old and I have few ti no friends. I have been in love but never dated, the boy that I loved ended up with another girl, he probably didn't look my way because of my looks. I am not very presentable facially and even my dressing is always criticized by my elder sister. I have found myself shying away from extra curricular activities that I like to do, like singing and dancing. I know I might have a bad voice so I try not to come out too much to do any public singing. At this rate I don't know if I will be anything apart from a book worm. I might not get married or feel the joy of having a family. I am afraid to even get into a relationship because with my character, anybody that is manipulative will deal with me seriously. Also I am not endowed at all in any way physically, I have very little boobs and backside. I am really scared and it seems to me like it gets worse everyday. My family and friends match on me so much and it's only my elder sister that doesn't do it too much. 

Ugly Girl

Dear Beautiful Lady,

        First of all I want you to look at the name I used to address you...Yes, beautiful lady. That is where you should start from, you need to start building your self confidence from the tiniest hair on your body. So from now on you will refer to yourself as \A Beautiful Lady if you must be anonymous. I know that this inferiority complex is something that is very hard to break away from but believe me it is possible to break away. It all starts with you. You need to start recognizing the good things about you and appreciating them. You need to stop giving power to anything that might make you look down on yourself. Even if others look down on you, do not do the same to yourself. I am going to tell you a couple of things that might help you.

• You need to get out a sheet of paper and list out every single thing that makes you feel bad about yourself. Those things that make you feel low and like you don't belong. List every single one of them out and start tackling each one, one by one. Better yet get back to me or a friend with the list and let the person help you out.
• Talk to a close friend or a family member regularly. It doesn't even always have to be about your issues but talking about the issues does help. Sharing your issues helps especially with someone that sympathizes with you and offers you advice and confidence. You need to be around people that make you feel good about yourself. Like your sister that you said she listens to you better than others. Try to spend more time with her. When she does something wrong or that makes you feel down, do not hesitate to point it out to her and tell her how she made you feel but spend more time with her because of how you feel around her.
• Start recognizing your talents and strengths. You mentioned that you love to sing and dance. You might think that your voice is bad but you aren't sure right? even if it is, that shouldn't stop you. If your voice is bad then instead of shying away then put more time into training that your voice and polishing up your dance moves. These are your talents and if you leave them they will fade. You need to hold on to them seriously. You might never know where it will take you. The thing about your talents is that the more you brush up on them the better you get and when you realize that you are good, the more confidence you will build for yourself. 
• You also need to start realizing that everybody is not the same. You have to just face the body you have. Honestly physical beauty is overrated and it doesn't mean true beauty. The real ugly people are the ones that have a bad heart. So check yourself, do you have a clean heart? Then that's what matters. Haven't you watched the video of the 'ugliest woman in the world' and how she was able to rise from the shame people made her feel? If you haven't then go on YouTube and see how she turned those flaws into her strength. She is doing very good for herself now.

Do not worry yourself too much about marriage for now. What you should do right now is to concentrate on building your self esteem. It is a good self esteem and confidence that will attract a person. Also who knows, you might find a guy that will help you out of this and you both will fall in love. So your body isn't a problem trust me. You see Rihanna isn't very well endowed right? Yet she is one of the top music stars in the world. Keira Knightley isn't very endowed either but she is one of the big names in Hollywood today. And it's just the same for many other actresses and singers out there. If all these people stopped to worry about their physical flaws, they wouldn't have the time to develop the things that truly matters and that got them where they are today. Concentrate on developing your talents and referring to yourself with a title that is much better than what you are using now. Also the fact that you say you are a book worm makes me perceive you as a smart lady. Do not trade that at all for any other thing, it will take you places so embrace it my dear.

Finally about your singing and dancing. You might not get it all at once but you have to be ready to face those awkward moments that you might screw up in public. It however shouldn't stop you from improving your talent. As I mentioned above there is a reason I shifted your "Dear Ralph" to today. It's because of this months focus which is about taking chances. You need to start taking chances and utilizing opportunities. Explore your passion and talents more and find your calling. Your confidence wold boost if you can achieve this. And to be able to achieve the level needed for your confidence boost, you can't run away when you make the slightest mistake. You have to be strong.

By the way you have a family in this blog now so welcome to the Family Beautiful Lady. 

Ralph