Dear Ralph: The result of our blood test

Good Evening Ralph,
       I am writing to you with a very heavy heart as I am out of ideas. I have been through hell in relationships and have been searching for the right person for a long time. I have had women play me around like a toy and have had my fair share of heartbreaks. Finally I was blessed with the most beautiful and understanding woman any man can ask for. A pure wife material. We have been dating for 3 years now. My family knows her and everybody knows that we plan on getting married. Due to our s3x life we decided that we should go for a blood test just to be sure that everything is good and that we aren't being careless. We did a general test both for blood group, genotype and of cos STD What we found out totally destroyed everything we've had and we don't know how to or if to continue.
The doctors said that because she is AS and I am also AS that we should consider not getting married. At first I waved it aside but it kept disturbing me inside so I went to ask more people. Later I brought the case up with my parents and she did the same with her own parents. Now they are no more in support of us both her parents and mine. Her parents said that she is the first and only girl and that they can't risk her having a constantly ill child. My parents are now saying that if the girls parents do not agree that there is nothing that they can do. Also that they are not in support because of the dangers that come with our situation. We aren't ready to let go of what we have because we love each other so much. We have been through a lot together and we know that we are destined to be. I have exhausted all means I can think of and seeked advice from everywhere I could find from pastors to parents. I don't know what to do again. Everybody is simply telling us to break up and let go that it isn't worth it. Please I beg you, is there any advice you can give on this matter. I am quite desperate and can't live without my girl. It isn't even possible. If I find another woman I will be cheating on her with my girlfriend because I will never be ready to let her go and it is the same thing with her. Please help me and my girlfriend.

                                                                                                                                                         Yomi








Dear Yomi
        I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know it is difficult and you aren't expected to just let go so easily of a lady that you have made plans with. True love is hard to find and you finally found yours so I understand how hard it must be for you to think of  letting go. I just need you to calm down and let me analyze this for you. Everything is going to be alright.

Let me start by saying that it is a possibility and not an absolute must that you will deliver a child that has the sickle cell. Although in your situation it is a 50 - 50 chance since its the both of you that are carriers and not just one person. There is a possibility that you would deliver children of just AS and AA without any SS. So do not be too scared, calm down and talk to a doctor to know better how this works. But remember that the probability of you having an SS child is also present.

I need you to know that the love you feel for your girlfriend right now is a good thing. However do not allow it to stop you from seeing the reason why your people have made their decisions. You need to be able to think beyond that love and see reasons before making your decision. Tomorrow if you give birth to a child who is an SS it is going to be a lot for the both of you to handle. Sometimes it goes beyond what you have right now. The stress that comes with taking care of the child is enough to cause a 'family breaking' anxiety. You just need to be very aware of the things you might be facing in the future. So here is an advice. Go with your woman and meet a doctor, a different doctor, possibly a friend doctor that will listen but still tell you the truth. Tell this person your situation and the decision you have made. Let him know that you both aren't planning on changing your mind no matter what and tell him that all you need is for him to tell you the medical challenges you might be facing. Let him analyze everything from the medical point of view and possible effects on your love life and marriage. Only then will you know what you might be getting into. You need this awareness trust me
    Remember also that it could be financially demanding to train the child so you should also prepare for that. Also the pain and suffering that the child might go through if he/she is brought into the world could put a heavy burden of guilt on the both of you. Seeing that you were aware of what might happen, you both might find it hard to forgive yourselves.  If you have decided to hold on to love, I do not blame you at all. I absolutely understand and respect that. Just please try and call your woman so that you both sit down and actually think of what happens tomorrow after visiting the doctor. Remember love wouldn't be around every single day, there are days that would be stressful for the both of you. So you should know fully what you are going into. That awareness will help you and your girl a lot more.

Finally, seek people who have experienced this before. Ask people who are actually going through this about how it is to train the child and the general challenges you might face. They will have a better first hand understanding of what you are going to face. Also if there is a friend of yours that is a sickle sell then ask him/her how it is. That way you would know what the child would go through if brought into the world. I believe you would make a better decision after you understand these things.

When you have all these knowledge and with concrete evidence and proof. Then proceed to meet your parents and talk to them with facts. They need to know that you both aren't just talking out of the need to be together. They need to see that you have done your research and also see your eagerness to make things work. Let them know you respect them but that you have your own decisions to make. But also remember the reason why they are doing what they are doing. This is to protect the both of you and the child (just in case he/she is born).

I really hope things work out well for you and your girlfriend. The decision is totally yours so just try and make the best one. Take things easy and consider my advice. I wish you both the best of luck and more love. Welcome to the fam

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph