Dear Ralph: It's been just two months and he wants Intimacy

 

 

 I met this guy that loves me, our relationship is barely 2 months old and I love him also. The problems is that he has been talking about intimacy lately. I don't want to loose him either. How do I convince him that I don't want to get intimate yet? I tried telling him and he said that when he makes love to me that he will get to love me more. It is a long distance relationship and I know that if I do this it will ruin everything for us. I don't want to make any mistakes in this so please what do I do? Please advice me. He also says that he is willing to wait but that sometimes the urge just comes.

                                                                                                                                                   Blessing











Dear Blessing,
          It still boils down to you having to talk to him and having the stamina to maintain your stance. You have to remember that if you give in, there is a high probability that things would go bad. At least that is what your instincts tell you in this relationship and I think you should trust your instincts. You see a relationship that is this young, if you start out building it based on the physical pleasures then you would miss out on other fun parts of the relationship. It isn't a general rule and you could be an exception but I have found that most relationships that build based on just the intimacy do not end up lasting long. Once the physical attraction is gone, the interest and every other thing goes along with it. So you have to remember these things in order to stand strong and fight for what you want and how you want your relationship.

Also use this point that I mentioned above when he mentions that "when he gets intimate with you, he would get to love you more". The thing is that although intimacy creates a closer bond between two people. You cannot afford to have it as the only thing holding your relationship together. Talk to him and let him know that you want to build other parts of the relationship first. Like friendship, it is very much needed if this is going to last. Try to be stronger on your own side by working on yourself, train yourself to resist any temptation. It's very hard when it comes to this particular topic, so I have found that the lesser you put yourself in the way of the temptation in the first place, the better for you. The stronger your chances of surviving the pressure would be.
 


It is good that you have spoken to him and although most times people hardly listen because the urge is strong when it comes. It also could be the way you speak to him. You need to show no signs of trying to give in at all so you don't give him any hope that if he pushes hard enough you would give in. If not, if he does push hard enough, you would end up giving in. So you need to point out good reasons to him why you cannot afford to give into his pressure. Let him know that it is for the good of the relationship. And learn to stand firmly on your word.

One last thing, please remember that relationships involve two people not one person. You both have to first agree on something before you take a decision. Especially something like this that involves the both of you being involved very much both physically and deeper. Intimacy can make a relationship and yet break it. If you consider keeping him by giving in because of how much you love him. Know that you stand the risk of ruining everything. You could get frustrated in the future because you would know it wasn't something you totally agreed to and accepted. So make sure you don't give into pressure. At the same time do not look at him as being selfish or unreasonable. Human emotions and urges are very hard to fight. Instead help him to fight his won. Be strong for the both of you. Remember that the fact that it's a long distance relationship might also be part of the reason why he misses you as much as he does. I don't know if this is how it is for him but I just thought i'll mention it also so you put it into consideration just in case.

I really hope you make the right decision in this. Just take your time and calm down, breathe and remind yourself why you've been resisting for this long. If you feel like you are losing your footing again then you can talk to me, I'll do my best to help. Take care for now.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph