Dear Ralph: Should I tell my Friend about I and her Dad

Hi Ralph,
      Just wanted to get a quick advice from you. I have a friend, we aren't so close. Actually we are just mutual friends of the person that I am really close to. We usually go to her house after school and hang out a little before we all go home. Even though we are in the university but our houses happen to be around the school. Her dad comes back earlier than her mum and is a very friendly man. He would come into the room where we stay together and throw in a couple of jokes and we would all laugh. He would then prepare food for us and he knows how to cook very well, he would bring it in and serve us then sometimes join us a little to sit down and talk, offer us some advice before going away. I noticed that when he teases us, he would always keep his eyes on me. When he throws a joke, I would be the center of it. I confess I started admiring him because of the way he treated us and I recall wishing I had a dad like him to take care of me. Or at least that was what I thought, I didn't know that I was actually developing some feelings for him.
It was on a particular day that he was talking and as he spoke, he hit me on my laps but instead of a simple tap. He hit me softly and slowly dragged his hand away, making me feel the full length of his touch. I acted like I didn't notice anything. He did it again but this time kept his hand on my leg for some time, I was wearing a skirt and it was high so my legs were revealed to an extent. Anyway I kind of got uncomfortable but noticed that no other person saw it or even if they did, they didn't take it as anything.
    One day we were in her house again and he came back, everybody was asleep apart from me so he called me to help him with something in his room. I got into his room and he showed me a file that fell in the middle of two chairs and said he needed help retrieving it. I didn't hesitate so I just bent over,struggled a little to put my hand through the heavy chairs and got the file. I brought it up and turned around and next thing I knew he was holding me by my waist. He pulled my closer and I just kept looking down, my heart was beating because I was scared. He then told me that he wants to kiss me and that if I do not want it, I should say no or push him away. He kissed me and I kissed him back shortly. I got myself immediately and handed him his file and apologized to him. I then turned and went back into the room to wake my friend up, that's my close friend. I told her I was going and also told my other friend who's house we were in. I took my things and headed out immediately.
   Up till today I haven't told anybody about this because I do not want to spoil the marriage of that man or have my friends look at me in a way. I hardly go to that house and even when I do, I make sure to stay clear of my friends dad or his room. I know I am at fault and I developed feelings for him. I am just wondering if I should tell her or just let it die there and never try this again. Please your immediate reply would  be highly appreciated. Thank you.
 
                                                                                                                                                    Evelyn











Dear Evelyn
         You are right by saying that it is possible that coming out to say this could get your friends to look at you in a bad way. Also it is possible that it could break the family but it all depends on if the man is naturally like this or if this was a one time mistake. But I guess you might not know the kind of person he is, seeing that you don't actually know him,you haven't really had any personal discussion with him and you haven't been to the house much lately. But if I am wrong and you do know him then the information would be very much helpful. I would really appreciate the extra detail. Anyway it still comes down to either you tell her or you don't

If you do decide to tell her, you already know the consequences. You know there is a possibility that your friends would frown at you and probably start judging you based on that mistake. But then there is a possibility that after some time they would get to know that you are truly remorseful and that you would never intend to break your friends family. If you tell them, then let them know that you are really sorry about that and just let it all out. The good thing about this approach is that your conscience would once again be at rest and with the guilt you would feel, you wouldn't be able to do it again. Also depending on the kind of man he is, if he is someone that is used to this and his family knows already then you might find that it would be easier for your friend to understand your explanations and reasons. But then again it still depends on the kind of person this your friend is.

If you decide not to tell her anything, then it is possible that this would die down and no one would ever know what happened. You would carry on like nothing ever happened and if you are careful, no one would ever suspect anything. It could also reduce the risk of the family being shaken by this thing that happened. The negative side is that, if it is eventually found out then it would be worse on you. There would be little to no chance of convincing your friends that it was an honest mistake. If you do succeed to hide it then your conscience would be haunted for a long time because of it. And you would live in fear that one day her dad would open up about what happened.

You can decide to go through your friend that is closer to you seeing that she is also closer to the other girl. Let her know what happened first and get to know the type of person that the other girl is. Find out if she would be able to handle this new in a mature way and do what needs to be done. Know if you can trust her to take care of this without causing too much problems. I personally think that her mum deserves to know though. Assuming you were still close to the man, you would have just told the man directly that you would want to tell everyone what happened and that you cannot keep it to yourself anymore and see his own suggestions. But I understand that this could also be difficult.

Just calm down and take a deep breath. We all make mistakes so do not keep beating yourself up over this. If you still cannot hold it inside then just come out once and for all to get it over with.
I hope you are able to make the right decision and hope your friends understand your position. Take care for now and hope to hear from you soon.

                                                                                                                                                       Ralph