Hate the act not the Human

     Are you struggling to find a way to forgive a person for something they did? But somehow you just can't bring yourself to that point of letting go of what they did or even understand why they did it in the first place? Especially if it is a trusted person. Yeah, don't worry it happens to every single one of us. Sometimes the pain,hurt and the thought of what was done to you just lingers and haunts you to the extent that you won't be able to get it behind you. Even if you tried to, you sometimes hold back from forgiveness because you never want to be seen as a fool. Well I have a method or trick that I use which I call "Hate the act, not the Human". Click the link to read more



I think I first noticed this behavior mine shortly after I started working at my first job after my schooling. I had a good friend at the office and he stole something from me, I caught him and he apologized but I knew I still had to address the issue. When I went to speak to him, I told him how angry I was that I lost what he took from me and how bad I felt about him betraying my trust. I told him of how I never expected him to do such a thing and how hurt I was. And he apologized. I saw his remorse but still somewhere in me I couldn't get over it. So the next time I spoke to him about it I told him that he should understand that I am not angry at him, but that I am angry at what he did. He was confused when I said that and I explained to him that because of the genuineness in his remorse, I can't define him by that particular action and so I cannot stay mad at him as a person. But that I was pissed off at what he had done to me. I told him that I appreciate him as a friend and I understand that he made a mistake and that is why I don't hate him as a person, that I can never bring myself to hate him. I then explained to him that it is that thing he did that I do not like.


I try my best to look at a person and his actions as two separate entities, now you might be wondering and doubting how this works. Probably even saying that it is the person that decided to engage in that act so they are the same. Let me explain better how it works. What I do is that I tackle the problem head on with the person and make sure that when I speak about it, I refer more to the damage done and the act itself and not to the person. Even when I show anger, I try to position my mind and direct the fury towards the act itself. So in other words as for this my friend I can say that I hated the theft but not him.  But the thing is, this works for people who are truly remorseful or who made a bad call and it is evidently so, to you. It works when you know you have to forgive a person but you are finding it hard. It is okay to remember the pain you felt through the betrayal or whatever it is that happened but you shouldn't let it linger. Take it as a lesson so you don't get hit twice and wear it as an armor of experience to be able to overcome it if it tries to come your way again. All I want you to do is learn to forgive and this method has helped me a whole lot.


Forgiveness is for your own good. Letting go would help you get over the burden you place on your heart by holding on to these painful things and this is one of the way you would be able to make things easier on yourself. Learn to separate the act from the human and things would be better and easier for you when you have to forgive. Do not judge a person always by what they exhibit at a particular point. And it is never good to hate anybody, not even the enemies, so learn to live with a more open heart that welcomes forgiveness for your own peace of mind.

Hate the actions of a person, forgive the person and if possible give another chance but do not hate the person.