Dear Ralph: Should I forgive my friend?

Hello Ralph,
       I am writing to you in confusion because I feel very betrayed. I have this friend that I have always been good to over the years. We have been like brothers and truth be told he has helped me through a lot of hard times. I have equally done the same for him. I met him when we were in the university and I usually go to his room to eat when I am hungry. If things were to turn around and I turned out to be the one having more, I would split my last cube of sugar so that we would drink the same portion of garri. Well not until recently I found out that he has been the one stealing my money. Around last week, one day like that I came back from lectures and was very tired, so I laid down and was taking a little nap. He knocked and I let him in and as usual he just came in and we greeted but I shortly turned and went back to my rest but I wasn't so deep into it anymore.
He waited for some time and then I noticed he went to my wardrobe and was doing something. When he left the wardrobe he just sat down for some time then told me that he was leaving so I got up and went to close the door. I couldn't rest because something told me that there was something off. I went to my wardrobe and the three thousand naira (N3000) that I had kept in my wallet that was inside my jeans was remaining only one thousand naira. I was really confused and didn't know what to do. I guess I have suspected him in the past but have been too unsure about it. I checked well this time Ralph and it was no doubt his doing. We met later that evening and he was just acted as if nothing had happened. He later still came back to my house and still split my food with me. I haven't told him what I found out because I am still really confused about this whole thing. I don't know what to make of it. Please Ralph should I tell him? Should I forgive him? Should I just forget it and forget him? I am really lost because this was like my brother and now I can't get myself to trust him anymore.

       
                                                                                                                                               Anonymous











Dear Anonymous,
       You are confused because you are still in denial that he could betray you, you still don't want to believe what you witnessed. As painful as betrayal can be, I believe that the best thing for you is to confront him at once. Ask him if he was the person that took your money from your wallet. State the amount that is missing and have him tell you what happened. Or if you feel like being more direct and getting it out there all at once then tell him immediately that you saw him take your money on that day. State the day and how he did it so that you don't get hurt even further if he chooses to lie to you.Then have him explain what happened.
   
If he admits immediately that he was the one after you ask, then you can ask him why he did it. Let him explain himself and if you can forgive him then do. But you have to let him know that your thing is yours. And it is only when you decide to give him something that he has the right to it. Let him know that what he did was wrong and that you wouldn't like it to repeat itself again. You can let him know that he has to ask you for something first if he needs it and not just go and take it, that is if you feel like it because I know how angry you might be right now.
 
 If he doesn't admit to it then you still have the option of letting out what you feel he did or just keeping quiet and walking away from the friendship. It is going to still hurt so I would still suggest that you just let it out and tell him everything you know he did, regardless of if he admits or not. I believe that in this case it is the best thing to do. Letting it out is going to be a way of you venting your anger and it is going to help you get over it. It is going to hurt even more if he still lies about it at the end. But you just have to try and get it out of your mind first. If at the end of the day he still wants to lie about it then I would advice you for your own good not to dwell on it. Just allow him be and let him go. He would know deep inside him that he has spoilt something good, if he has any conscience.

As for If you should forgive him or not. I would always vote for forgiveness. However I know how heart breaking it can be when you are stabbed in the back by a friend. I would beg you to just give it some time for the hurt to heal. If possible just find it in your heart to forgive him, instead give yourself some distance and watch him a lot more. I know you might feel like he is taking you for a fool and honestly it might have been the case. But at the same time it might still be desperation that has led him to this extent. You would never know until you talk with him. Let it go for your own sake and for your peace of mind but instead use this lesson as a reminder of how careful you need to be. When you talk to him and find out why he did it and depending on how he decided to handle the issue then you would know better if you should still keep him as a friend or not.

I am so sorry that you had to experience all this, but just let it all out. You would be fine, you would heal and everything would be okay. Take things easy and be more careful

                                               
                                                                                                                                                  Ralph