Dear Ralph: I met her in a club

Dear Ralph,
         I am a man of 36 years. I married my wife when I was 29 and we lived together for some years. We had one child, a girl and we were planning on having another child. However we started having so many problems between us. It ruined our intimacy so we couldn't even think of a child. I personally didn't have a problem with that because already our daughter was growing up in a home where her parents are always fighting.I didn't want to put another child through the same thing.
Anyway this went on for some time and eventually we broke up. I started living a single life and enjoying it I must say, but as you can guess things started getting lonely. According to my mum it was bound to happen because I was married once and no more used to the single life, that was why the enjoyment was short lived. I went out one night and met a girl and we danced in the club, we got talking after that and shortly started having sleep overs at each others house. I am getting very into her and I think she is also into me. The problem here is that I met my ex-wife in a club also and look how things turned out. I want to know if there is any advice you can give me. I like this girl a lot but I am not ready to put up with the same thing I just came out from. Thanks Ralph

                                                                                                                                                      Fred









Dear Fred,
        I don't think you should use the means you used to meet her, to judge her. Yes most people say that you can never meet a girl in a club and have a reasonable relationship with the person but I don't think that is true. Yes there is a possibility of that happening but I don't think it is particularly because of where you met the person. There are reasonable people that come out to have fun in clubs and bars and if you happen to meet one would you let it go because of where you met her? I doubt it and if you do then ask yourself if it is the right thing. If you both have chemistry and feel like you are both genuinely interested in each other then why not give it a try. People say a lot of things but a lot of people also go against the odds and prove them wrong. The thing is that you can never tell how she is until you give this a chance. If you feel in your heart that you might have a reasonable future with her then why pass up on the chance.

One thing you have to do is to make sure that she feels the same way with you and that you aren't misreading her signals. If it is a fling then know where you are with her and if you wouldn't mind carrying on with just that. Seeing that you both have started having "sleep overs" I would like to assume that it doesn't involve just coffee and movies. So with that bedroom action involved, if it is, things could get easily misread. Make sure of what exactly she wants from you so you don't have your hopes up high while she might just be having fun. If she does have the same interest, then that would be absolutely fabulous.

I personally wouldn't advice you to just drop her because of where you met her until you actually try this out. However I do understand your reason and the whole explanation about your wife. So instead of you just letting go because of that reason, I think you should use the experience you got from your wife to tackle this. IF(observe the emphasis on "if") your wife was a typical "club person" then you must know the traits and common behavioral patterns of such people by now. Why not use that to know if that is also how this new person is. But at the same time don't stay waiting for her to screw up and I don't mean you should run at the first sign of danger. Just study her well and look at her as an absolutely new person, if she does exhibit some traits then you would know how best to deal with it with your experience. And if it is something you can live with then that would be great for you both. If not, if you check things out and feel that you just cannot do it. Then you can quietly opt out.

The last thing I want to point out for you is for you to make sure that your reason for doing this isn't just because of loneliness. These emotions can play tricks on our minds so easily and make things that you aren't feeling for someone appear just to scratch another emotional itch. So be quite sure since you are now planning on being serious with her. If not things could also end up badly and you would find yourself blaming yourself.

Best of luck in your decision


                                                                                                                                                       Ralph