Dear Ralph: I miss the man I married

Dear Raphael,
             I've been married to my man for the past 5 years and it has been a great marriage so far, I know my problem might not seem so serious but I need any advice I can get. He got this job recently and it's as if he doesn't know I exist anymore. When I am talking to him he just nods and answers with "mhmm". He never hears anything I say anymore, my complaints are brushed aside like they are nothing because of he's excitement for he's new job. This has been going on for four month now. I thought he would get used to the job after about a week and I was patient for him but this has been dragging on for some time now. He is constantly on the phone chatting with he's new colleagues and making plans with them, discussing business and all what not. I feel like now that he has found something exciting in he's life I have just become he's chef and cleaner. I don't feel like I matter anymore and I really want to win he's attention back but I don't want to sound like I am hating on the new found job. The job is great because it is feeding the family well and we can afford things we couldn't before. I am really happy for him but I miss him and he's old self, I know it sound selfish but I also want my attention. Please can you advice?


                                                                                                                                               Mrs Anwuli








Dear Mrs Anwuli,
             I guess he is still caught up in the excitement of the new job and new friends. I really don't think that he loves you any less but your patience would be required at this point, at least until we can get him to start looking your way again. Remember that if you nag him and get him angry at this point he might mistake your intentions and read a wrong meaning into your actions.
      I want you to try and suggest a vacation with him, if you guys have kids then the whole family should go on a vacation as soon as possible. When out there you can have him to yourself and probably by then you can just point out to him how great it is to have him all to yourself and that you have missed him through all he's busy days, you need to say it passively and "intentionally absent minded". Let him know that you are really happy for he's work though and that you don't want to have him feel like you are too possessive but that you really appreciate him making out time for you at that point. Like seriously, say it out loud to him, don't assume he will know. You showing him appreciation will help him to want to give you more attention and spend more time with you. And then if he baits into it and continues the discussion then you can point out the other things that have been bothering you about he's new work. Let him know the way you feel about the whole thing and then enjoy your vacation together.
        If the vacation won't work then for now you can try to deal with he's new found "love" by actually inquiring more about he's work. Let him explain all the things that excites him about the job, show him interest in what has been occupying him. He would really love to talk about it, you can then keep yourself distracted with that and understand even better how he's place of work is, furthermore by then you must have initiated a discussion that would get him to listen to you. I would personally advice against bringing up any matter about him neglecting you at this point because he might still misread it at and feel like you aren't genuinely happy for him. So instead use this time to just have a good talk with him and enjoy he's company, also since you have got him talking you can then talk about the things you've been meaning to share with him. He would be more willing and feel obliged to listen to your gist after you have listened to him talk about he's own.

Once again I would emphasize on you spending more of the time you have with him talking about all the things you have been meaning to share with him since, instead of complaining about him not giving you attention.

Take care and I hope things change for the better, get that attention you deserve.

                                                                                                                                                   Ralph