My two angels (Continuation)

....But something was wrong, she was still alive, but she couldn't breathe, she suddenly opened her eyes wide gasping for air, she yanked at the rope around her neck furiously and desperately with the aim of cutting it to stop the pain, she was beginning to panic. She felt the blood rushing up her head as she was hopelessly tugging at the rope. Why was she still suspended in the air? Why didn't the rope snap her neck and why wouldn't it cut and let her go either? She realized then that her weight wasn't enough to aid the rope in finishing the job; she had lost too much weight from the stress and starvation that she had endured for a long a time. She had to wait out the pain and agony but she was determined to stop it, she wasn't going to give up now. She stretched her left leg to bring the chair she was standing on earlier closer but she tipped it over and it fell.
She looked down and sighted it laying a distance from her, she couldn't get to it like this. She was suffocating, it was exactly like when she had attempted to drown herself in the bath tub but only worse, the pain was unbearable and she could feel the blood rushing up her head faster. She struggled some more but she was running out of options. Then a thought came to her, if she could swing herself back and forth the motion might cause enough tension and help in cutting the rope. So she supported herself by holding on to the rope, she lifted her knee and pushed her feet backward, then forward. She kept the motion up for a little while but her hands gave out and she dropped back down. She came down hard on the rope and it pressed against her throat, she grunted at the pain but still the force of her little drop wasn't enough to put an end to the suffering.

      One last time she looked at the chair on the floor, it was too far away and she realized it was hopeless. It was over she thought to herself, there was nothing else she could do. She began to slowly calm down, her consciousness fading slowly from her, her vision blurring as her hair hanging in front of her eyes dangled freely. She could almost feel the rope tightening its grip around her neck and in her final thoughts she remembered Angela and Angelica. Her two beautiful twin baby girls. She looked at their pictures once again as it hung on the wall and a stream of tears rolled down her face. She had written in the note that was on the table that her sister should continue taking care of them.             Their father had died shortly after their birth two years ago from leukemia. Ever since then she was depressed and sad, he was all she ever had and now that he was gone there was no hope for her. She hardly took care of her kids and her sister had taken them from her till she got better and was capable of taking care of them again, or at least that was the plan. She only got to see them during some holidays and occasions where everyone in the family had to meet and fewer times when she decided to head over to her house to know how they were doing. In that final moment she wept with the guilt of abandoning her two girls in the world without a parent, she thought it was going to be best to end it but she forgot her angels, "how could I" she said out loud with a cracked teary voice. They were too young to be left without any parent at all and if only she took the time to appreciate what she had remaining in the world, she wouldn't be in this situation. They both resembled her departed husband so much and she wished now more than ever to hold them once more and cherish their presence, to kiss them again and tell them how much she loved them. To just take the time to appreciate them. She sobbed harder as she hoped for the obviously hopeless. She took her left hand and held the part of the rope that was above her neck and with tears in her eyes she reached out with her right hand towards the picture that hung on the wall and stretched out her fingers in an attempt to touch the picture as if begging for the two images on it to help her out.  It was too late; she couldn't reach the picture, the painful her expression on her face would leave the hardest soul sympathizing with her. Her eyes dimmed and the light in the room crept out on her, her thoughts faded, her hands dropped freely and landed with a clap beside her, it swung slightly back and for then stopped and hung lifeless, her body was motionless .....
         


           No matter what you are going through in life, try to remember that there are people out there who care about you and that as long as there is life there is hope. There are people that need you here, there are lots of people that you do not even realize that are affected positively by your presence even if they themselves do not realize it. Do not make decisions because of the pains of today, they will fade away. Depression is a really dangerous flame and Loneliness fuels it even more. So talk to someone, go out a lot more, do something new and interesting, find something or someone to love, no matter what just make sure you keep living a happy life. It isn't always easy in this life, but always remember that no condition lasts forever. I promise you that this life is worth living.


     ......Her vision slowly crept back in as her consciousness came  back, she opened her eyes slightly and the light crept back in the same way it faded from her, there was a shadow above her. She opened her eyes a little more and stopped it in a tight squint that was enough to make out who it was. She met a familiar face staring at her wide eyed in terror, standing above her. She was on the cold tiled floor and the rope was still around her neck but loose, on her brother's hand he clutched the note she had left on the table, he was in shock. She tried to raise her head but the ache that came with it was much and she dropped her head back down. She remembered her girls again, tears rolled down her cheeks as she stretched her arms for an embrace from her brother, he knelt down and held her in he's arms, still lacking words to say.
       "Did you?" she asked him and he replied "No, I just heard a loud crashing sound from your room and came to check".
       She looked up and saw the other half of the rope still attached to the fan. All her attempts at cutting the rope did pay off finally and all she endured from it was a hard landing from the fall and that was why her head ached badly. But she was glad she had used the old rope she had in her room that had worn over the years. All the years of use and re-use had made it weak enough for that moment. Rocking back and forth in her brothers arms still in an embrace she slowly and with a faint and cracked voice whispered, but not particularly to him "my angels, my two beautiful angels...mama will never leave again..."



If you missed the first part of this story you can read it with this LINK