Back From the Other Side

      I swear I have started this post like a million times over without knowing what to type. Day after day I have place my fingers on these keyboards that were once familiar to me but right now they seem so strange that my thoughts fade right away the moment I make contact with them. I have been away for a Month and some days but it feels like I've been gone for ages. I have been gone for a while but not without reason. I ask for forgiveness with all sincerity and offer my explanation. Hopefully you guys can understand why I had to leave...





  You see so many things happen in life and we just can't explain them. I am told and made to understand that most of them are just a test of will but sometimes they can be really harsh. Sometimes the situations and things we deal with in life could come so unexpectedly and put us in a position we never imagined or thought possible. I'll let you guys know of a couple of things that has happened to me. Although not the toughest I have been through, somehow these past weeks have nothing been short of a horror story for me.

Before this long break, I slowed down my posting for a while. This was because I had a project I was handling at that point. I was actually building a bar and it was difficult to do everything at once. My regular job takes up a lot of my time already and blogging takes up what's left of that time. When I started building the bar I had to cut out some time from both my regular job and blogging. Unfortunately, the blogging had to suffer more because I couldn't afford to loose my regular job (that's what pays the bills). As much as I hated that, I still had to manage and hope for understanding from you guys. Although it was very unfair of me to expect that much understanding from you people seeing that I never really explained anything that was going on with me to you guys.
         After a couple of months I succeeded in setting up my mini bar to the standard that my pocket could afford at the time but then a couple of months into it I got robbed. The little cash we got from the little sales we made was taken. Some of our equipment was taken like our speakers and a couple of other things. A lot of other things had happened before this (which i'll explain later) but it was this particular even that almost broke me. I had to take some time off because it was like I had lost everything I invested. It really wasn't easy dealing with at all.
    I had to take some time off from the blogging because deep down in me, I had already felt like I was drifting from my original reason of opening this blog which was strictly to reach out to people out there in the world who feel like they have no one to talk to about their problems. With the events that happened in the bar I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to continue with blogging at that moment so I had to take a break. I know that most people would advise me that I need persistence and continuity when blogging but honestly I feel like persistence and continuity without a proper focus, reason or direction is just wrong and dangerous. I love this blog and this family too much to continue doing this without my initial focus in view.

During my absence I lost a friend and his father to the cold hands of death, I personally got robbed (apart from the bar), lost friends to misunderstandings due to how I distanced myself and that was because of the series of unfortunate events I was going through, I went through a whole lot more but I just want to drop it all right now. I can't afford to wallow in sorrow for the remainder of this year. At a point I figured I just had to brush off the dust and pick myself up again.

The issue at the bar and the way I lost it was just the final nudge that sent me toppling from the top of the cliff that life had pushed me to, however there were a lot of other events that contributed and got me to that point. I wouldn't exactly say that I landed on my feet, as a matter of fact I landed on my back but I think the most important thing is that I am willing to get up, dust myself up and start my climb again.

I know from day 1 I have asked for too much. I have asked you to trust a total stranger with your life's problems. I have asked you to open up your deepest secrets to a man who wouldn't even show you his face. I have asked you to take someone you might never meet as family. That is more than enough to ask for but right now I really want to ask you all  for one more thing and that is to forgive me. I hope I can pull this family together again. I might not be as regular as I used to be or put up as many posts as I used to but my priority remains the same which of cos is offering a listening ear to your issues.

I owe you guys a lot more than this short explanation but please bear with me for now. Simply thinking of every single thing that has happened right now is almost starting to weigh on me again. The most important thing is that I am back. I don't know if anything is going to happen and take me away again but I just want to enjoy my stay while it lasts while hoping that I never have to leave like that again.

Maybe not right now, maybe not this year but I hope that with time I am forgiven and accepted again. I love this family very much and yes I still do see this as a family. Please accept my apologies and try to understand my explanations and reasons even though they aren't enough....