Dear Ralph: Do I give her a chance or not

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Ralph deals with everyday life issues from relationship, marriage, self esteem, Insecurities, Family, Parenting Issues, Fitness, Health and many more. Generally when you need advice or a friend to help you through those troubles you are facing in your life you can AskRalph. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issues. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright then, let's do this!








Dear Ralph,

I have been dating this girl for six years now but I have not had s3x with her because I want to marry her. Also I travel sometimes but we always communicate regularly.  February this year a guy called me and told me to forget about her and that she is his love now and that he has dis-virgined her. I spoke and confirmed from her and she said it was true but that day she made a statement to me when I told her that she'll kill me with thinking. She replied and said that I want to kill myself with thinking. I felt she did not love me again, but after some days she started begging me
and since then I don't know what to do. Please advice me.


Max





Dear Max

        The main issue right now is the trust that you have lost where she is. Without that trust, even if you choose to forgive her, things wouldn't work out. There is a possibility that your relationship would still work out but you have to know that it's not going to be easy regaining that trust. It is going to be a lot harder than starting your relationship afresh but if there is one thing I know, it's that you can make this work if you both truly want to. So my question for you is this, how much do you want to be with her? How far are you willing to go and how far do you feel she is willing to go to correct the damage that she has caused.

If you decide to stay with her then patience is going to play a very vital role in the success or failure of your relationship. There would be times that you would mistake some of her actions and feel that she is beginning to stray again. When those times come you would be tempted to hurt her with your words but trust me, it is only going to destroy the relationship further. It's only going to weaken her and make her feel like there is no hope for the relationship any more. So as hard as it might sound, you have to be patient with her and tackle each issue with care. She on the other hand has to put in enough effort to make sure that those situations are kept at a minimum. This is something that you would have to talk to her about. As much as your patience is needed for this relationship to work, she has to be willing to make the necessary sacrifices to regain your trust again. Without that then no matter the amount of patience you have, you would still get tired in the long run and give up.

If you feel like you wouldn't be able to handle her anymore and that you might never forgive her then maybe it's time to just give some space and know where you are. If you find yourself missing her more and willing to forgive her again then you can decide to give it another try. However if you find yourself unable to forgive her then it might be time to just turn your back and move on for the sake of you and her. There would be no use remaining in a relationship where all you do is manage each others presence.

So you ask me if you should give her another chance. I will say yes, you should give her another chance but at the same time you should make her realize that your choice to give the relationship another chance isn't a sign of weakness. You should let her know that you might not be able to forgive her next time if something like that happens again. Do not put this point across to her as a threat. Just let her know that it is the way you feel and that there is a limit to the hurt you can take from her.

I hope things work out for the both of you. Remember...be patient for her. I know it's hard but just do the best you can.


Ralph