Dear Ralph: Will he fulfill his promise?

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Ralph deals with everyday life struggles from relationship , marriage , self esteem, Insecurity, Family, Parenting Issues and many more. He deals with generally any trouble you are facing in your life and need a friend or an advice. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issues. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright then, let's do this!











Hi Ralph

My boyfriend does illegitimate business in Cambodia,and he is so into it. He is planning to come back this Xmas to settle with me but my fear is the kind of job he is doing. He promised to find a better job as soon as we are married but my fear is that if he would still keep his promise. I love him so much and I know he loves me too but right now am confused because of his business. Please help me with your advice. thanks.


Favor





Dear Favor,

Hope you are doing okay today. Do not worry i'm going to do my best and give you the best advice I can offer then leave the rest of the family to touch areas I might have overlooked. So don't worry okay? Read the advice I have below and apply the ones you feel would work for you.

First of all I think that you should talk with him about coming home earlier than Christmas or moving the wedding to later until you both sort this out. Since you are scared that he won't be able to leave the job, I think you both need a face to face discussion and agreement on what should be done. You can either make him promise you again that he wouldn't continue with the job once you both are married. Or better yet, you can have him look for another job and settle into it before you give in to marriage. You know, just to be secure and sure that he isn't going to go back on his promise and that he is already living up to it before the marriage.

You know the thing about doing an illegal business is that with how quickly the money comes, it becomes quite difficult to have to fall back to a well paying job. So if you really love this man and he is willing to work with you, you should stay by his side. You have to realize that it is not going to be easy for him to quit this, realize that the cash flow might not be as much with a new job as it is with the illegal one he has right now and at the same time be very patient with him in case he falls short. He might fall short a couple of time and you would feel he broke his promise but trust me, if he is really trying to quit then it would be very difficult. You also have to realize that with a possibility of slower cash flow, your understanding, patience and possible assistance would be very much needed in the relationship.

You need to help him out. Base more of your discussions on alternate jobs he might want. Since he isn't in the country right now, if he plans on settling in the country then you should ask him what he would like to do when he comes back. When he hints at what it might be then one of the best things you can do is to help him scout for a job. You can decide to tell him about how much you want to help or decide to do it as a surprise depending on the kind of person he is. Different men would react differently to the two choices. The point however is that you base most of your discussions on the new job he might want to get.

Let him know that he doesn't have to wait until the end of the year to quit the job and look for another one. Let him know that you understand how difficult it might be for him to quit or even find another job so that you feel the earlier he starts the better. But most importantly make sure that when you speak to him, you speak as a partner and a friend and not as a nag. The tone of your voice and your method of approach could give him the encouragement to look for another job or totally discourage him from even trying at all. Be careful and understanding whenever you have to bring this up with him.

Finally, as a woman who would most like bear his kids and have to train and be a role model to them tomorrow. I think one of the best things you can do is to highlight to him the negative impact that the job would have on his kids morality in the future. This might just give him the nudge he needs to quit the job.

I really hope things work out for him and for the both of you. I hope he finds the strength and courage to quit his present line of work and look for a better one that would help both him and his future family. Remember, it's not going to be easy on him so your patience is going to play a major role here. I hope that he finds a good job after quitting nonetheless. Welcome to the family favor.



Ralph