Dear Ralph: What do I do?

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!






Dear Ralph,

Please I broke up with this guy for a year now and now he was behaving like he wants us to come back but I realized he has dated another girl for a year now so I confronted him on that. He told me yes, that he is with someone else and he only feels attracted to me when am around,telling me he is not really in a relationship but its something on and off and everything is messed up. Please what should I do about this, I really love him too. Please help me.


Diana







Dear Diana
     
Sorry to hear of your split and the confusion you are going through. I am going to do my very best to help you out with this. Here is what I feel but take not that they are only suggestions. The decision at the end would be totally yours. You are in the best position to make them and no one can help you with them.

I want you to first of all ask yourself what you want. Do you want a relationship or do you want something on when you are around and off when you aren't. I am not trying to say that what he is doing is wrong. The most important thing you have to realize is that he has told you the honest truth about what he wants, now all that remains is to ask yourself what you want. If your interests align you then find you both can carry on with that but if not then you have two options.

First to leave and bear the pain, recover from it and move on. This would take you some time and taking the action won't be easy for you. However I trust that if you are making this decision, you are only making it because you want what is best for you. If you decide to leave then just take it a day at a time to get over it. Focus on the fact that your interests aren't the same and that it wasn't going to work out either ways.

Second option you have is to stay, endure whatever happens when you are absent (or try to remain every present) and maybe by some luck change him into who you want him to be. I have to say that I believe very much in change. However as much as I believe in it, not everybody is willing to make that change. This is a very risky thing to do and while it might sound safe in the beginning to you, the outcome could turn out to be negative as much as it can be positive. I know you love him very much and might be willing to take this decision but I think you should think hard and long on this before making that decision.

My advice to you is to sit back on your own. Think of what you really want in a relationship and sincerely tell yourself the truth from what you know about him, will he be able to give you what you want in the relationship? Take your time and make your decision okay? Everything is going to be fine. Welcome to the Family dear, we are all here for you.



Ralph