Dear Ralph: Will I love him more?

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!







It's been a while we had a continuation on the Dear Ralph section because most people don't approve and prefer I treat the cases as different issues and not link them with the old ones. Well this person agreed so thank you Mary for the opportunity. Read her first post HERE



Hi Ralph,

         Thank you for your previous help, I am happy to let you know that I am not pregnant. I finally saw my period so there is no cause for alarm anymore. I have something else bothering me and getting me scared that I want you to clear up for me. That my boyfriend that I slept with and was scared that he got me pregnant was my first. I heard something like that if a guy is the one to disvirg*n a girl that the girl will love him more. Is this true? They say you can become attached to the person and that is what scares me. I don't think I want that with him. I don't think he is good enough for me. Please I need an answer.


Mary












Hello Mary,

       I'm happy that at least you aren't burdened with all the guilt that comes with an unwanted pregnancy. I hope you are feeling better now and that you learnt something from the last time. Anyway I am sure you must have learnt so let's jump right into your issue today.

The thing to this matter is that it could be true and it could be false. I believe it all depends on the kind of person that you are. You see the thing about giving s3x for the first time is that for most people, it is really special. It's not something they would do randomly or want to give out carelessly and the fact that they can never have a first time again for the rest of their life is what makes it more delicate. Apart from moral reasons, this is another reason why people wait for marriage to give it to the person they will be attached to for life.
   Giving a special and delicate part of themselves to someone and practically being in a vulnerable and fully trusting state with someone where the person sees your nakedness as shares something deeper than that is something that doesn't come easy. For most they carefully and personally choose that special someone that they loose it to, that special person that they open up physically and emotionally to. You can say that it is all these emotions and meaning that are attached to it that makes the love and "attachment" to the first person you do it with to grow strong. It doesn't mean that there is a rule or a nature in humans that directly links your first time to an automatic love switch for the person you share the first time with. What matters most is the emotions attached to the act, that is what gives meaning or so much importance to that first time. Take for instance if a persons first time was out of forced entry (rape). The only emotions attached to that would be hatred and not love.

As I said earlier, for some people it means a lot but for some other people it absolutely means nothing. I mean there are people that loose theirs just because they feel like it's a burden and the sooner they get it out of the way the less they have to think about it. Some do it out of peer pressure and some do it because they were in the mood at that particular moment and not that they carefully planned and prepared for it. Different people loose it for different reasons and the less feeling and meaning attached to that "first time" the less attachment and supposed "love" you will have for the person you are giving it to. So as you can see. It is not a must to fall deeply in love with the person you loose it to for the first time.

If you do not want to feel that way for the guy you lost yours to then it's all up to you. Seeing that there is nothing binding you to him, you have the freedom to take your heart and give it to whom you feel would be the best for you. Just remember that s3x doesn't determine love and you should still be careful who you share that part of you with.

Hope this was able to make some of the facts clear for you. Maybe I should have actually tackled this as a Friday Fact or a Q&A session. Anyway it's all good. I am glad I could still give you the information you needed. Feel free to write to me for any extra help you need and i'll do my best to help okay? Take care Mary.


Ralph




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