Dear Ralph: No Urge after Delivery

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!









Good evening Ralph,

I have an issue I'd want you to advice on or if Probably there's anyone who went through same I'd like to know what they did.

Now the issue is that since my 2nd trimester I lost the urge for s3x. In fact my husband used to remind me how many times we had it. I actually just thought that it's part of my pregnancy package and I also read that it will change once I give birth. Here I am 3 months after delivery and there's no single urge. Even though my husband isn't clamoring for s£X yet cos he wants me to do family planning before we start having it. I am just scared that things will go on with my body this way. At times I just try to initiate something though I know my husband wouldn't fall for it cos he is that disciplined but I just wanted to know if I am okay. I really don't get moved still no matter what I try.
Is there anything you can suggest or has anyone gone through this. I just hope it doesn't even get worse once I go for family planning. This baby is my 1st child and she is 3 months old. Thanks Ralph

Funmi








Hello Funmi,

Let me say congrats on your bundle of joy and help me tell your daughter that she is part of the family whether she likes it or not since her mum is part of us. Lol.

I am really sorry to hear of what you are going through but be rest assured that there are people out there who have experienced this same thing and come out of it. Let me say the much I can and leave the rest to the mothers in the house.

First of all I'll advice that you take a trip to the doctor for a check up. You need to find out if there is any sort of hormonal imbalance that you are having which could be affecting your bedroom activities. This happens during pregnancy and it might linger after that. There are different causes of hormonal imbalance with stress as one of them. Just set some time out and make that trip to be sure that it isn't anything medical but if it is then you can get some treatment and help from the doctors.

Secondly there are a lot of other issues that could cause this. It might look like it was caused because of the changes you went through during pregnancy but it could just be a coincidence or a series of related events with similar side effects that occurred during the pregnancy period. So first of all I want to ask you, with the new baby on your hand, do you have enough time? Are you stressed out from the new responsibility seeing that this is your first experience? You know with the late night cries, having to keep your eyes on the child every second and all, it could really take it's toll on you. Stress is a huge cause of reduced libido in both men and women alike. If you are stressed out, not getting enough rest, always worried for your child then you might want to look into ways to ease the stress. Maybe look into hiring a nanny so you can have some time to rest a little even if it's in the afternoons. The refreshment you feel from the rest you will get could give you the energy boost needed to get your bedroom life back on track.

One thing about Intimacy is that if you do not feel good with yourself you will hardly want to engage in it. Seeing that you might have gone through some physical changes through the course of your pregnancy, it is possible that you just don't feel s3xy enough anymore?. Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable with your body? A sense of confidence is needed and if you are someone that is too conscious of her body then this might be an issue. Women generally need this, to feel s3xy and good enough to be able to engage willingly in intimacy. If you are feeling physically uncomfortable then just talk to your man. Express your worries to him and hear his own side.  You might be worried for nothing and you might be surprised of how attractive he finds you right now. You have to learn to love yourself just the way you are right now. To know that you are beautiful just the way you are. But if you really don't feel comfortable then it would still be advisable to lean on your man for the needed support. You can also look for ways to fix the things you don't like in your looks right now either through exercise or other means.

Finally I just want to advice you not to see the s3x as a duty or as something you owe your man. Lots of women do this but with good intention. I know you might not want to deprive your man of that but it isn't really depriving him. Believe me it is better to sort through this first of all. What you should do is to talk to him first. Let him know how you are feeling. Tell him of what you are going through and tell him of how concerned you are. If possible involve him in your healing process, be it by taking you to the doctor's or helping you regain your confidence. The idea of all these talks and involving him in everything is to build the bond and closeness so you get to feel comfortable in front of him again. Also when the healing process starts, try to take your mind away from the intimacy, let the urge come on it's own and let it come naturally. Do not force anything or be too conscious of it.

Take it easy and go to that doctor first to be sure of the hormones. Get some rest and finally talk to your man. Everything is going to be okay.

I don't have all the answers so I'll hand this over to the Mothers in the house. Any of you have any advice for Funmi? Please share.


Ralph



Coming up next >>> I am me...