Dear Ralph: I watch gay P*rn but don't practice

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Click the link to 'read more'. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com if you have an issues you want me to discuss. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful to the poster. This is one of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!






Good morning Ralph,
               
       Your ad in Miss petite Nigeria blog was really nicely constructed and I commend you for that. I am a dedicated member of that blog even though I don't comment there and when I do, I do so as anonymous. I was happy to see your blog ad when it came up and I had to write to you because of something that has been bothering me.

You see I am 25 years old and I just came out of a relationship because of a habit I have. I watch adult movies a lot but that isn't the problem. If it was the usual straight movies it wouldn't be a problem. About 2 years ago I stumbled across a 'man on man' adult movie. I should have just deleted it or closed it but for some reason I just kept watching it and I swear, it was just out of curiosity that I started watching it. It didn't mean anything as at that time. For some reason curiosity turned into something else and I started actually enjoying it. It's not like I don't enjoy the straight ones but I also like these ones. I know that I am not gay but I also find it a little disturbing. I opened up to my girlfriend one day about 5 months ago and she was freaked out. She felt I was going to turn to guys and leave her so she broke up with me. I tried to get her back and she said that even if I don't leave her that I was weird for liking those kind of movies and that she didn't want anything to do with me.I could hear the disgust in her voice. I guess I have learnt my lesson on that one, i'll mind what I tell women from now on. They just can't handle everything you tell them. Ralph I know that I have no emotions for my fellow man, I do not at all. Although I am beginning to freak out since she left. I am scared, what if I start liking my fellow man,What if she is right? I don't want to do that at all. Please I was hoping you could help me out and make sense of all this or help me find a way to stop my habit. I have tried before but I keep going back. Thanks. Please post anonymously. I know I will get insulted but I want to know what people will think about this.


Franklin








Hello Frank

        I am sorry to hear of your break up. I hope you are holding up fine. Everything is going to be alright okay? Alright let's get to the main issue.

First of all I know it sound strange in this part of the world but this your habit isn't a clear indication that you are or that you are going to be gay. It's not like I have anything against the gay folks, I am just saying that since you don't want to go gay and you are afraid of this your habit, you might not really have much to worry about.

Look at our female counter parts for example. I personally have encountered live and spoken to (since I started this AskRalph blog) some females who enjoy l3sbian adult movies but have never touched another girl or even thought about becoming l3sbians. In fact I can say that they would be disgusted if a girl was to make a move on them. It is just the same thing when it comes to guys, the only reason why it seems as bad as it does is because the male on male action is more rejected in the society than the female on female (if you know what I mean). Yes you might get turned on by it and all but it isn't a clear indication that you are gay. However I wouldn't deny that it does mean that you might, just might be tilting towards that direction without you knowing it. I mean also think of it this way, you get turned on by this thing, you could go out and decide to try it one day right? If you then like it after trying it out then your worst fear would have become a reality. Yes, there are people that have also felt like they were tilting, went and tried it and came back knowing that they never wanted it ever. However I wouldn't advice you to go test yourself if you are scared of being gay. You personally said you do not want it at all so instead of tempting yourself I think you should step back from it. Step back from all of it, watching that kind of adult movie, just all of it. If you don't want it then don't risk it.

Secondly, I noticed you called this a "habit". I must ask, has it gone to the extent of being called a habit? Well I guess it might be since you have been at it for about 2 year now and you have tried to stop without success. Well left for me, this is the main problem you are having, the addiction to it. Addictions aren't things that you just click your finger to make them stop. You have to start gradually to either stop them or substitute them for something else. Personally when I advice people I prefer that people substitute their addictions for work and some other hobbies. Take for instance a person that smokes or drinks a lot more than normal and is addicted to it. If you had jobs and duties that occupied you from morning till night then I think you would be too caught in trying to meet up with them to even remember your addictions. You keep it up for a couple of months and when you look back, you will find out that you don't need those addictions anymore. Which brings me to a question you have to answer...Do you have a job? How busy are you? You need to use the little free times you have to do something more engaging that will take your head away from you addiction okay? I think this would be a good thing for you right now. If you still can't stop then you might want to go for some counseling. I know it might be embarrassing so try this on your own first. Oh and be careful when substituting with work, working can be an addiction on it's own also and it isn't any healthier. I just mean that you should use the work to take your mind off the addiction.

Finally I would tell you this. Never let anything control you okay? Addictions are a sign of weakness, they show that you can be controlled by something that your fellow man made. That should be unacceptable for you. Also if possible, leave the adult movies alone generally for now. All of them be it straight or otherwise. I feel that being willing to watch even the straight ones will give you the encouragement to get the ones in the gay category. So I think you should generally just let it all go for now using the method I explained above.

Welcome to the fam. You are very much welcome as part of our family. We are here for you no matter what so make yourself feel at home.

Ralph




P.S: This is to everyone out there reading this, I don't know if my answer sounded somehow but I just wanted to make one thing clear. Please I don't care if you are gay or straight. Your heart is what matters to me.    




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