Dear Ralph: Single dad with two daughters

Hi Ralph,
     I happened to come across your blog at the right time. I am a single dad and I have the two most stubborn but yet beautiful daughters in the world. I am confused on how to discipline them. On a normal day in our home, they would both carry out an act of mischief and sometimes because of the stress I go through taking care of them I loose my mind and go on a rage.Don't worry I don't hit them, the L.A.P.D would be happy to hear that I did this and my neighbors would have a field day.  I scream and scold them as much as I can but the outcome of this takes two different effects.
The elder one crawls up and doesn't talk for days while the smaller one simply carries on like nothing ever happened and most likely would do something again. Now I don't want to give them an unfair treatment and make it look like i'm favoring one person alone. I thought about calling the elder one and babying her so she doesn't always withdraw after corrections. If I do that I just feel the younger one would feel bad and wonder why I always treat the elder one with more kindness. They are still too young and might not understand why I handle things they way I do, so I leave things the way they are. It is affecting my elder daughter as she grows but I don't know how else to do take care of this problem. Thanks and its nice job you are doing here.

                                                                                                                                                           Jerry











Dear Jerry,
       It can be really confusing when handling two children of different characters. It isn't easy taking care of kids even when their two parents are present let alone when one has to do it alone. For that I want to say good job and well done.
       Now I want you to know that there is no particular way that you would handle this and get everyone to be happy at once. It is correction so no matter what you do there would be someone that would be offended, especially at their age. Although I might just have a little tip for you.

Here is something you can try out. The next time they go wrong and you mean to correct them, since the younger one responds better to scolding and the elder one just pulls away. You call them as usual and scold them as you always do. As usual the elder one is going to retreat and go silent for a while. A while later when you are calm, call the both of them and sit them down. Give them reasons why you scream at them and get angry at what they do.  Even though they are too young to understand all the meanings of things you say, you can still talk to them. They might not understand now but they would understand later if you keep correcting them. So gently explain things to them and take that time to "baby" the both of them at the same time while concentrating a little, just a little more on the elder one. You can even hand them some treats after correcting them but warn them that the next time they do something wrong, they won't get anything from you. I believe this would help balance things out a lot. You can pass your message across to the both of them well and in different ways.

It isn't easy to train kids but you just have to try your best. It requires patience and a lot of knowledge and experience.  Always remember that your aim of screaming at them no matter what is to correct them. Don't loose your cool too much allow them and push them away. Always show them love after you scold. If any of them seems to hold grudges, don't also do the same. Instead teach that one how to let go of things. You might want to hand your elder daughter a little more responsibility. She might be the soft one but I think with handing her some more responsibility she would be able to grow stronger with time.

There is no definite way to train kids because everyone differs so that's why I emphasize on showing your intent after any means of correction you use. You can experiment with these and i'll give you a couple more tips if these don't work.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph


Any parents or single parents in the house? Your advise with your own experience would be more than helpful....

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