Dear Ralph: It's me, my boyfriend and his girlfriend

Hi Ralph,
      I have a problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year and recently I found out that he has been cheating on me with his on and off girlfriend. He is always telling me to be patient with him, that it's me he wants. The problem is that I am not seeing any sign of him letting go of her. I school in Abuja but I live in Awka, he is also in Awka and I feel I am loosing out because of distance.

      I snooped on his conversation with her and he was telling her not to allow anything come in between them. That they have been through a lot together for the 5 years they have been seeing each other. He would then come and tell me that it doesn't matter how many years that he has spent with her, that it doesn't mean he loves her and that it's me he loves. Ralph this has been going on for too long. I found out only recently and that's why I can't forget it , it hurts so much. I am really trying to let go and move on but I don't know how to. The girl even calls to threaten and anytime she comes to the house he tells me to leave. He then makes up this excuse that he doesn't want her to embarrass me. Then later he comes to the house and begs me to forgive him. Please how do I deal with this situation.

                                                                                                                                                  Sweet pea











Dear Sweet pea,
         I understand that you are attached and probably very much in love with your boyfriend already to just let go so easily. Also you are quite patient, just waiting for the day he finally let's go of her and comes to you. The problem here is the image you are painting.

If for no other reason I need you to consider this. The more you allow this to happen to you, the more you show that it is okay for him to treat you this way. Now I am not saying that he is a bad person, it is just only human to stretch our chances to the limit. Since you are showing that it's okay and that you can wait without any problems, he would naturally still wait for whenever it is comfortable enough for him to break away from the other relationship. I don't know if he is a bad person or if he truly loves you or not but you have to define what you want, that's all.

I wouldn't tell you that you should leave him or stay. That is a choice that you would have to make on your own. All I am asking you to do is to try and find the strength to at least step aside for a while until he makes up his mind. I personally feel that the reason things are like this is because you are showing that it's okay for you to be treated as an option.

The truth is that there is no guarantee that you both would or wouldn't end up together. I cannot read his mind and know if he truly wants to leave his ex. Take a hint from the fact that you are the one being hidden, you are the one being sent out of the house and you are the one being threatened on the phone. I don't know what meaning you read into that but if your instincts are telling you something about these things that are happening to you, then I think you should follow your instincts.

Maybe you should give him a little space to think and find out what he truly wants. Also use that time and find out what you want for yourself. Look at yourself and know if this relationship is going the way you want it. I don't think there is honesty and trust in the relationship so just consider these things. If you can work on it and make it better then fine, if not then make a decision today. You have to know what you want.

Just take it easy and take your time to make up your mind on what you really want to do. I know it isn't an easy decision and that's part of the reason I suggest that you just step back a little, be on your own and think things through. Always remember, you are worth something.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph