Dear Ralph: Diary of a sad girl

Hi Ralph,
I love your blog and I get to learn a lot of things from you. Well I am a 21 year old girl who just ended a two year relationship with a 34 years old man ( actually the guy stopped picking my calls ). At first my guards were up but with time I let it all fall. Beyonce's HALO can be used to describe me at that time. I was in love, I already knew what our kids would look like and how he would be an amazing husband, father and also someone I can learn from. But I was far from knowing what was coming my way. I ignored all the sings for I knew I was not the only girl in the picture because I had no proof. He dated his EX for three years and still didn't marry her, when his family members are around he starts acting funny and does not want any female around.  Don't worry he is not married, my family knows his family. During one of our casual 'us' time he gave me one silly excuse of " how I would have been the prefect mother for his unborn kids but he just can't get over the fact that I gave my virginity to my EX * lord knows I felt horrible *".

     We were all good and still in the cupcake face December 2014 before I went for the holidays, talked during that period until January second 2015 when we planed to see each other because we missed ourselves and needed to catch up. I just want to ask that is this a good enough excuse for a guy to leave you high and dry based on this last excuse? Because ever since January 2nd I have been calling him and he won't reply my text or calls, I have felt bad but I know I have to move on and God always has a better plan for us his children.
I still feel sad and talk about it every time so as not to get emotionally depressed.

                                                                                                                                                          Anita









Dear Anita,
      I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through and just know that everything is going to be okay. You are going to pull through this. I need you to know that all this only just happened so it's only natural that you still feel this way till now. Especially seeing that it was a relationship that you accepted openly and put your everything into.  You are anyhow stronger than you know and I need you to just give yourself some time to heal. Stop trying to reach him by yourself and concentrate on getting your mind off him. Since he isn't picking, I wouldn't know if he is okay or if something has happened. I would suggest you get your parents or elder siblings if you have any to try and reach him, just to make sure he is okay. Just try and invest your time in maybe school or something productive, just something to keep you busy and get your mind off him. The memories would always come back but you shouldn't give it the chance to get you moody or pull you down. However I understand that it isn't as easy so I only ask you to just bear for now and take your time to get over him. Remove everything that would remind you of him and let it be only when your memories are triggered on their own that you remember. Even then, just try and push it aside when it comes up, it's going to take a while but you will get over this. This was only an experience and it's best things broke off now, if it happened after a couple of years or when you were ready for or already married I think you would have found it to be worse. Just take it all a day at time, concentrate on how to get over him.

As much as his reason for leaving you isn't right, I know a couple of people who act this way. I guess he attached too much value in virginity and the way he wanted you to be. He wanted you to be 'pure' and know that he was marrying someone who hasn't been touched by any other person. But you cannot let yourself be judged by that because you are only human. He can walk away because of it today but he is only making space for someone with better intentions to walk in. You are going to love the person much more and you would find out that he wouldn't that you have been with another. This person is going to love you for who you are and not for who he wants you to be. He is going to be able to understand that you make mistakes and that your past is gone. Don't beat yourself up over this, you are going to be absolutely fine.

Take things easy and take your time to get your mind off, distract yourself until the wounds heal. You will find that exercising would focus your mind on something else. Try to be with friends and people that make you happy, listen to the music you love. Generally make sure you are always staying busy and occupying your time with things that engage you physically and preferably mentally.

You can always hit me up anytime for a chat via my BBM channel and i'll help keep your mind off things when I can. Most importantly, if the thoughts come out, talk to someone that already knows or that you can trust. But the moment you finish talking, try to remove your mind from it and talk of something else, don't hold onto it for too long. Vent and let go. Take care and I hope to get news of your progress as soon as possible.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph