Dear Ralph: My girl says she can't "manage" with me this 2015

Dear Ralph,
     I've been in a relationship for 3 years with my girl and I am confused about the way things are going. My lady keeps saying I am not giving her Happiness and that she cannot keep managing with me. She says I should go and get a car and that she does not want to waste her time this 2015. She also keeps telling me that I don't take her out, she expects me to take her out all the time. The thing is that I take her out once in a while because during most weekends she goes to wedding parties and during weekdays its work. I hardly have time myself during weekdays for the outings.
She has always been a very controlling and materialistic person and some times she can get competitive. She always wants to dominate me. I am tired of all this and I just want to know if there is anything I can do. I am also mad at her because she keeps using a particular man's picture on her dp but always claims he is a friend. I don't think he is just a friend because the guy is always taking her out. Please help with an advice and yes you can use my full name, I don't really care right now. Thanks


                                                                                                                                                Felix Eze










Dear Felix,
        There could be a number of reasons why your lady acts the way she does. But I would put down some points based on the character you say that she usually displays. I would still encourage your to speak to her and find out directly the reason why she exhibits these characters and says the things she does.

First of all, there is possible that she has a particular image that she has created of the way she wants her relationship and life after marriage to be. It is possible you aren't meeting up to her expectations and that is the reason why she lashes out every once in a while, mentioning that you should get a car and other demands that she makes.

For the issue surrounding taking her out and your schedules. I would suggest that since you both are only free on weekends and she uses it to attend events, you should think about joining her at times to these events. Check your own schedule and the conditions around you to know if it would be convenient for you. I believe this would be able to tackle many of your issues at once. But it's still all about how convenient it is for the both of you.

Since you say she is competitive, it is also possible that her competition is with her friends or fellow girls. With the weddings she goes to every weekend, there is possibly a high percentage of comparison in financial capabilities between you and the grooms that she sees every weekend. You might find that she would like to outdo her friends when it come to events and occasions surrounding her. Her behavior due to this might not be necessarily aimed at pushing you, instead you might see that it's because of how she has place her priorities. In this case, her priority being PROBABLY to outdo her friends. She might not even realize the damage she is causing by doing this, so it is your duty to call her back when it looks like she is letting her competitive nature get the best of her.

You both have been dating for about 3 years now and it seems you let her have her way all the time, probably because of how pushy she can get. I know you might have your reason for letting her have her way but you have to realize something. Marriage is for a lifetime and sometimes you have to manage things today to move forward tomorrow. I believe you both should start right now to set things the way you would want them to be. If she appears to be too pushy then you need to learn to stand your ground, this is not about pride, it's about being able to think under pressure from her and make the best decision for the both of you. A decision that you won't regret tomorrow. If you keep giving in to pressure all the time then I fear that you might be pushed until you meet something you can't move past, and since you can't deliver her needs at that point, you might be surprised at the action she chooses to take next. Talk with her about these issues, let her tell you a good reason why she wants the things she wants, listen to her and then if you don't agree, give her your own reasons for disagreeing and why you want things done your way. . Show her the long term effects of your decisions. You can start by bringing up the issue of her not being able to "manage" this 2015 and let her tell you what in particular she means so you can iron the issue out properly.

As for she and the other friend, I think it's time to bring this up also when you both talk. You need to express your feelings about this particular person and let her know your concerns on how she is always going out with him.Let her know what you feel about him and if possible ask to meet with him. It is important to keep friends in relationships but I also believe there should be a limit to things like that. It's not that you are caging the person, it's about protecting what you have and preventing temptations.

You have to be willing to listen and follow her when she has a good point regardless of who she is today, always remember that but never forget that she has to be willing to listen and follow also.

Just take things easy and I would really love if you get more details on the general nature of your relationship. My advice was based on the little you have said and some assumptions, that's why I live them as probabilities. You just need to read the advice and if i'm wrong then please get back to me with more details. Take care for now, I really hope things work out for the both of you.

                                                                                                                                                         Ralph