Dear Ralph: Should I belive the disturbing news I heard concerning my boyfriend

Hi Ralph,
      A friend of mine used a picture of I and my boyfriend on her dp recently. She called me to tell me that a friend of hers collected the picture because she liked it and used it on her own dp also. She said she was shocked and asked the girl if she knows me or my boyfriend and she said yes. That she knows my boyfriend very well and that my friend should advice me to be very careful. The girl said she attended the same school with my boyfriend and that it was him who disvirgined a cousin of hers. She said that immediately after my boyfriend did that, he dumped her.
Now the problem is that I am scared because we've been dating for only 5 months and he is already asking me to get intimate with him. I don't know if he plans on doing the same thing to me. Another thing was that, my friend said I shouldn't mention anything to him. But how could I act like that after hearing everything I  heard. I didn't know if my friend was saying the truth and I was really confused and shocked. Not long after this, I started acting cold towards him and he noticed it. It also seems like my friend went and later told him about what happened and that I know.  He started opening up and saying that it's not new to disvirgin a girl because she was not the first girl he had done it to. He also said that another man did it to me so that it's normal. He said a lot and was very upset that I didn't talk to him first. He said it happened 4 months before he went to camp. I got really pissed off at him for this, the fact that he feels that this is a normal thing. I am confused Ralph, please what do I do?


                                                                                                                                                      Sophia













Dear Sophia,
        I want to advice you to never let another person come into your relationship, do not let what others say affect the way you see your boyfriend and how you treat him. People would always talk about different things, just let them talk but don't conclude based on that. You should only judge your man based on what you know about him and the way he treats you. If you see something wrong about him, correct it and move on. Everyone has a past and it's not the same way you treat one person that you would treat the next.

I believe you should have spoken to him to find out his own side of the story. The lady truly might have felt used and it's very understandable that she is bitter about it and trying to look out for you, if that's her true intention of cos. But you would never know how your boyfriend might have felt when the event took place. So the best thing would be to talk to him and find out how things were for him at that particular point. I know you might feel that even if he was guilty he would easily lie to you, but asking him isn't just about hearing and believing anything he says. Through the way he responds, you might be able to detect the truth. Although generally, I would tell you not to worry about that in this situation. Just go talk to him and let out your heart, let him know what you feel about what you heard and let him talk.

I kind of understand why he might be mad at you. Just put yourself in his shoes, picture him hearing something about you. He doesn't come to ask you first and you hear it from someone else. You notice he has been acting cold towards you and you just know its because of what he heard. I believe you would get mad that he didn't come to meet you first to confirm. So just try and understand why he might be acting the way he is, okay? This might also be another reason why he started talking about breaking girls being a normal thing. People usually try to justify anything they do by any means if they fell they are being judged too much. He might have felt like you were looking at him as a bad person and then tried to paint the image that there is nothing wrong with what he did. Though he might be right and actually have no bad intention, it probably came out the wrong way and is making him look guilty and pranoid. So just try and understand in this situation why he might have spoken like that. He might not actually mean it, but you won't really know till you both sit down together. Just try and talk things out with him, really let everything you feel about everything out and just open your heart up to him. Apologize for the ones you did and got wrong then speak up on the things you feel he gets wrong. If at the end of the day, he turns out to really be who they say he is. Then by then you would be able to know what to do next in the relationship.

Most importantly, never judge based on his past. Everyone has one so you can't keep looking back at it. Speak to your man when you hear things about him and get his own opinion. Never judge until you have the full story and even then, simply aim to correct the wrong. Take it easy dear, everything would be fine. Just take your time to get in the right frame of mind so you can meet him and sort things out. Take care for now and get back to me if you need further assistance. Bye for now.

                                                                                                                                                  Ralph