Dear Ralph: She gave me an ultimatum

Hello Ralph,
          There is a girl that I have been dating for 5 years. I love her very much and I think she loves me also. The times when I had nothing she was there for me and believed in me until I started making something for myself. I am not the richest of people but I can make something for myself and she doesn't complain. I always provide what she needs and surprise her with nice gifts when I can make out the money. I am 31 and she is 26 years but really acts very mature. I am trying to secure a job for her or have been but things have not been going as planned so she doesn't really support the house financially. I also planned on marrying her as soon as I am comfortable enough to take care of children and all the responsibilities that comes with being married. Recently we started quarreling a lot and I never knew where all this was coming from.
So one day in our argument she made mention of me not saying anything about marriage, how I am only talking about money every time and not not even thinking about marriage but she mentioned it passively. She thought I had forgotten it but I remembered it, then one day while we were together I asked her what she meant by that and we got into another argument. After we shouted at each other for sometime she cooled down and then told me that if I cannot marry her that she won't stay in the relationship. That she is feeling like she is wasting her time, that I should make up my mind or leave her alone. I was angry and she still went on to tell me that she gives me till June/July next year to make up my mind. I really love her and wanted to marry her but now I am confused, I really hate a woman trying to dictate things for me. I don't know what the wisest thing to do is and that is why am writing to you. Please reply soon.

                                                                                                                                                        kaycee












Hi Kaycee,
     I know how annoying it can be when a woman gives you a deadline for marriage. Many men would never stand for this because it looks like an attempt to be controlled. But I would ask that you over look that for now and read my reasons why. Just give me some time to explain this better to you

You have known her for 5 years and you both have been together and happy. And suddenly she gets up and starts acting up. I think there is a big possibility that she must have gotten frustrated that you haven't said anything about marriage. She didn't handle this well, I agree with you but you can't really blame her for this. Age is a big factor when it comes to this and it isn't really fair to the woman expecting her to wait all this while without any sign that the relationship is heading somewhere. At least even if you aren't ready now I think you should bring it up once in a while and talk things over with her. Also it has been 5 years, in my own books I believe you already know her and have courted long enough. If this is among the reason you are wasting time then I think you should know her well enough by now.

The financial part is one part that most people get wrong. Even the richest men out there most likely didn't start out having big bucks. But they still got married when they did and started something later. At least you have a woman who isn't really financially troubling to you. Why would you want to ruin that. There are people who cannot afford a descent living but are managing what they have with their family. I bet that what you earn would be able to take care of your family if you just rearrange things well and reset your priorities. Just think again about it and look at the things in your life to know what you can cut out to make room for a family. Better yet do it with your woman and start involving her more in your plans for the future.

As I said, age is already on her and that might be a big contributing factor to why she lost her cool in this matter. So just try and consider her own side, okay? I think you have a good woman and all you guys need to do is work on better communication and work together to make better plans for tomorrow. She might have made the wrong move but just explain better how you would have like her to handle things and let her learn. Explain yourself also to her if she asks you why you haven't done anything and you both would be fine. Let her know that giving you an ultimatum is only going to succeed in driving you away so that she should try to understand how to speak to you better.

                                                                                                                                                    Ralph