Dear Ralph: I want to be with more men

Dear Ralph,
        I am 26 and about to get married and at this point in my life I feel I didn't have enough fun as I should have. I have been with only one man and that is the man I want to marry. I want to explore more, be with more men. See if other people feel different and better when I am with them. Have a one night stand. Just generally loose myself and be wild for a bit. I feel I am suffocating in my "good girl" image.
I was mainly locked up as at home as a child. Sent to a girls only school and the only man I knew was my dad because I didn't have any male siblings. I was thought how to be the good girl and I obeyed. I always did everything the way I was asked and never had a problem listening to my parents. I had my first kiss when I was 21 and even found it difficult having a french kiss. You can imagine how hard it must have been for me to give in to intimacy when the time reached. I finally felt it and saw how great it was, everything I had been missing. Although yes it wasn't good the first time but with time it got so good I couldn't control myself anymore. Now I am beginning to think this was all a big mistake, my man isn't enough for me anymore.Its not like he isn't good enough in bed, it's just that I want to see and feel more. I feel I have been locked up a lot and I just feel there is something out there that I am missing. I want to feel like a woman and have my own stories and adventures to tell and I feel if my man wouldn't accept me after that then it is fine because he should love me no matter what. At the same time I do not want to loose him, I do not want to be serious with any other person. I think things got this way ever since I got engaged or when we started thinking of dates for the wedding. I don't know, should I stay with him and just have my adventure then tell him everything later and hope he stays with me Or should I do what I want and keep it from him and be sure that he wouldn't leave me if I can keep a good secret. I am not a bad person Ralph, I am just chocked up and feel I am missing out on the pleasures of the world. Please help me out here, it took a lot for me to come out and say this but I do not want friends to know so I can't ask them. I would appreciate a good response.

                                                                                                                                                    Chioma








Dear Chioma,
        If I was to advice you based on what I feel you should do, I would say you shouldn't go ahead with this plan. You might feel that there is something extra out there but there really isn't. Nothing beats what you have right now, if you have a good relationship then I think you should be with your man. If variety is what you want then you can have variety with your man with a good level of communication and understanding with him in the bedroom. I can throw in a couple of tips to help you spice things up in the bedroom if the problem is that you both go through the same routine, just write to me again requesting it and i'll see what I can do to help. But then again I know how curiosity can be so I do not blame you at all. I just want you to know that there is a big possibility you would spoil something good if you go ahead with your plan.

If you do decide to go ahead sill then this is what I can say. Instead of hurting him by telling him after you do what you want or haunting yourself with the guilt of what you did if you do not tell him afterwards. Why not tell him that you need a break before the wedding. Just call things off for now, tell him how you feel before you leave and go exploring. End one thing before going into another. Because think about it, It really wouldn't be fair on him if you just go ahead with this plan. I think he deserves a little bit more, at least honesty and a conclusion between you two would be a little bit more fair. One other thing is that while exploring the world with other men, you could come across someone else and fall in love with the person then leave your man. That would be far worse, so instead I think it would be better for you to just state that you are leaving him. Even if you do not wish to tell him openly what your intentions for leaving him are, just don't keep him there as someone you would later run back to.

 If you plan on carrying on with telling him only after you have done what you want then know you stand a chance of losing him. He might understand and he might not, there are different kinds of men out there but it's only very few that would understand. There is also the possibility that even after he claims to understand, this would haunt your marriage for a very long time. He might never really be able to get it out of his mind and it could disturb your union very well. So calculate all these before you make your choice.

Keeping it to yourself would haunt you also depending on your conscience. If you are able to carry on without feeling any guilt then you are one of the few that can do that. I really would advice you not to take this path either but I understand your fear in losing him. The thing is, you might see it as an easy road for now but the truth is that the guilt wouldn't be easy for you to handle. So just think about all these options again and know what you want to really do. It really isn't bad being with only one man for life. Some adventures are jut not worth it my dear.

At the end of the day the choice still remains yours. I can only hope you make the right choice and consider your man when making them. Please be careful also with how wild you wish to get, most people only come back with regrets. Weigh your choices and their consequences well, protect yourself all the time and stay safe. Take care for now dear and write to me when you need me again. You can always add my bbm channel and chat to me through there for real time response and help. My channel chat is always open.

                                                                                                                                                     Ralph