Dear Ralph: Should I contact her?

Hi Ralph,
   What's good? without much ado let me go to the main point of why I am writing. My ex girlfriend birthday is on Saturday (November 22) and I'm having these mixed feelings about it. A part of me says I should celebrate it with her while the other part of me says NO! I shouldn't. But the thing is, the birthday has been on my mind right form august. The initial feeling was that, I was going to ignore her on her birthday to make her know how hurt I still feel but as the days get closer, the feelings just keeps overwhelming me. Now I can't even of anything else apart from the birthday. Though she now has another boyfriend whom she dumped me for but I still really love her.
  Let me tell you of what went down between us.
We started dating last year and I loved this girl so much even regardless of her ugly past. She promised to never leave me not even in the middle of fire. I was so in love with her that I fought anybody that tried to come between us. I became the enemy of many including my cousins. Later on she suddenly changed, this was around this time last year. I initially thought it was because she resumed school then so I tried to understand her and support her but things got really worse. She would see my messages and Ignore them with the excuse of being busy and blah blah blah. I began to feel the hurt everyday but i endured it. She used me as her dp last year December during my birthday for a short while and changed it immediately to that of she and another guy. That was when I began suspecting something. So I teased her with it, she really got angry at me for teasing her and told me to get lost because I asked questions about this new guy. This really hurt me so I decided to ask her directly. I confronted her and asked her what the problem was and if she was seeing someone else and she say yes that she now has someone that she loves. The statement swept me off my feet, I felt weak and couldn't hold back my tears. And to make it worse, I asked who the guy was, she said it was he pastors son and the had been dating since august, meaning they started dating even when we were together. I really felt betrayed because this was a girl I gave everything I had. I later learnt from her close friend that she left me for him because she felt he had a brighter future. He attends Babcock uni while she is in Bowen. I on the other hand am in LASU.
    She later met me and said she was sorry but I still haven't gotten over the heart break. So now I am caught in the middle with my mixed feelings as her birthday is close by. Should I give her a call and use her as my Dp? A part of me want to do this but the other part of me feels she will take me for a fool.  At the same time I know I would feel guilty if I let the day go by without saying anything to her. What should I do?

                                                                                                                                                   Pelumi












Dear Pelumi,
       
           The mature thing to do would be to call her up and wish her a happy birthday or at least send a text message on that day. If you wish not to use her as your display picture it won't matter because you would have by then at least sent her your wishes for the day. Make it short, simple and straight to the point if you wish to keep your distance and respect her space and decision. I know you said that she would see you as a fool if you do that but do not dwell on what she might think or might not think. I would take it that she is on your blackberry and she see's when you put up any update. So not wishing her well on her birthday would actually be worse, trust me.
      You have to remember that what's happened has happened. Maybe this happened for the best, you would meet someone good tomorrow if this doesn't workout but you have to do the right thing for now. I know It really isn't easy on you giving the story you told about how everything went down between you two but you have to try and be strong. Forget about every other thing and be the bigger man so you can do what you are meant do. Ignoring her is not going to help her know that you feel hurt by what she did, it is only going to make her see you as childish.
     If you do decide that it is best just to ignore her then it is also okay, it might help you with the healing process as you gradually forget about her. Sometimes this is the way to go about it especially if your priority is to forget about her. Yes she might see you as a childish person for taking this approach but as long as you know the reason why you did it then you just forget about what might be in her thoughts. At the end of the day you are the one that knows best what you can handle and what method works best for you.
      Also You have to realize that she has made her decision and she has moved on. As hard as this might be for you to accept, it is the truth. I am really sorry that things had to play out the way they did but you have to focus on the decision you want to make. We can work on how you can get over the hurt and memory later if you wish for me to help. Take it easy brother, everything is going to be fine....

                                                                                                                                                 Ralph