Dear Ralph: He won't use protection

Dear Ralph,
           My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, we only started getting physically intimate recently. He is a really good and loving man and I love him very much. The only problem is that when we make love he never uses protection. I have tried to suggest it to him a couple of times and he just waves it aside, he is also says that it feels better to him when we do it without protection. I admit that yes it does feel better but I am not yet ready to be a mum. I love him and really enjoy being with him but this is the main problem I have with him. Last time that my period was delayed I got so scared and called him but somehow he just kept calm and kept telling me that nothing was going to happen and at the end nothing happened. I feel like that was a narrow escape although it got me thinking about just carrying on without any protection and trusting him totally. I really want to be more careful but I don't know any other way to go about this. Please how do I get him to consider my own side more.

                                                                                                                                           Anonymous






Dear Anonymous,
      He needs to understand fully the consequences of you getting an unwanted pregnancy. He should understand that you are the person that will have more of the stress if any conception occurs. Talk to him and make him understand these things and your position as a woman in our current society, let him understand your fears and I know he will still try to reassure him but you have to remember that he can never be totally sure that nothing is going to happen. Do not wait for the next time you both get intimate to talk to him about this, bring it up randomly so he knows that you are really disturbed by it. I would advice you personally to be stronger and try to make a stance when you both are about to get intimate. I know it might not be easy to resist the urge but you have to learn also to stand firm on what you want and control yourself. . Also put yourself in a worst case scenario situation and know if you would be able to handle the pressure that would fall on you if anything goes wrong along the line.Think more about tomorrow, you say you aren't ready to be a mum and I understand that so I think that should be motivation enough for you to stand and speak properly to him. If something goes wrong today he also might not be able to take care of a child, think of the mess it will get you both into.
          You both should also look into other means and methods of pregnancy prevention. Although I try my best to avoid the mention of medication you both might want to look at birth control pills. Please I would advice that you confirm with a doctor or a professional if the use of medication is okay for you just in case of any condition you might have. You both should also look at getting a pregnancy control patch, it works for some people so look into it and find out the pros and cons of it from a professional also to know if it will do you guys any good.
        Finally remember that there is no better way of totally avoiding unwanted pregnancy than total abstinence, because it has been proven that no single method of birth control is 100% efficient. Stay safe and play safe...