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Thursday 27 November 2014

Dear Ralph: My wife doesn't want my parents in our relationship?

Photo credit: Getty images


Dear Ralph,
         For the 4 years I have been married to my wife, we have had a particular problem that keeps getting more serious each time we argue about it. The thing is that according to her, I involve my parents in any little thing we do. That if we have a fight I go and tell my parent's and then they start shouting at her. She says that I am not trying to help her look good in front of my people and that it is too bad of me. The one that pains me the most is that she always links it to the fact that I am only child and that is why my mum would always side me.
. The way I see it, the elders have more experience and would be able to help better in solving relationship issues because they have seen it all or at least most of it. Now the only people I can confidently rely on as elders for help are my parents, I do all the things I do because I want our marriage to survive. She just never understands it and sometimes it looks to me as if she deliberately wants to start something out of nothing. Now when my parents come around she tries to avoid them and they notice it, it is really beginning to cause problems between our families. She keeps saying that she herself doesn't involve her parents so that why should I call mine and expose everything we go through. Honestly, it isn't everything that happens in the house that I seek advice from my parents for but she doesn't understand. I am really beginning to understand why I should make more decisions without involving her, because she would never understand the reasons behind why I do what I do. So Anyway, since she doesn't want me to talk about our issue to my parents maybe doing it this way is better. So what do you think about this particular situation. Should I stop telling my parents anything about my relationship and my problems just because my wife has decided that she won't have it?

                                     
                                                                                                                                                         Taye










Dear Taye,
         It is okay to involve your folks once in a while when you need help handling some kind of things but not everything and not every time. Also not to complain about something your wife is doing or trivial issues that arise that you can handle on your own if you put in some effort. Issues mostly should be handled by you and your wife. I believe that parents should be involved only when things get really really bad and you have absolutely no idea how else to help your marriage. Think of it, your parents would mostly side you in an argument because when you take your problems to them you only tell them your own side and naturally you are bound to tip the story to favor you. So they would judge based on what they are told. Your wife sort of has a point by wanting you two to sort things out on your own without involving any external bodies. It would really help you a lot in the long run of the relationship. As much as your parents might want to help maintain happiness in your home, you being their son already gives a big chance at a biased judgement that won't favor your wife. It would further damage the image of your wife in their books without you even realizing it. And when that happens it could lead to a serious disaster in your home. Your parents disliking your wife something you really don't want to face because it is what tears most homes in our community. Your wife is already being attacked by your mum and that is what's causing her withdrawal from them. She is getting more and more uncomfortable with your family and it could end really bad if it keeps up like that. Just try and see reason with her and know why she doesn't want you involving them in the issues you people have.
      If you really must ask for help from an elderly person that has more experience then look for someone that has no connection to your family. Someone that would tell you the truth without feeling the need to side any of you. And if possible you and your wife should meet the person together and complain so that he or she hears from the both of you to be able to judge better. So basically it could be a relationship consultant or someone you know that can fulfill these things I have mentioned neutrally.
     It is really important also to maintain a healthy and happy relationship between you two and your two families. And sometimes the best way to achieve this is by keeping your both families at a safe distance from the issues in your family. Let them know only the good part of your relationship if possible and believe me you would be happier with the way every other thing would work out.

Try harder to to put in some effort and wisdom that you have already learnt from your parents. And in combination with your wife you both would be able to hold your relationship without the need to involve your parents opinion. Just try it and see how it would work out. You won't regret it.


                                                                                                                                                    Ralph

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1 Comments:

At 27 November 2014 at 10:33 , Anonymous Gabby said...

it has never been a healthy practice to bring in 3rd parties into a relationship @ the slightest thing, u shuld try talking over things wit ur wife 1st and make ha understand where u r coming 4rm, den also listen to ha wen she tells u ha own reasons...wen both of u cnt reach a consensus then seek the help of a relationship consultant together that is

 

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