Dear Ralph: So should I give her money?

Hello Ralph,
      So I was just going through your blog and came across some issues you have discussed as regards money. I can see that there are some women out there that like me the boyfriends or husbands don't give them money and they are really angry about it. This really got me thinking about my own relationship. You see I and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years plus now. In the course of this relationship I cannot recount a single time that I gave her money. I do buy her thing's though, I help her with hair and gifts and other things like that when I have the money and feel like doing it.
Now she has never asked me for money and I have always assumed that she never needed it at all. So the idea of handing her money never crossed my mind. Reading your blog now, I am really scared that maybe she does need money and never tells me but just assumes that I am the type of person that is stingy. I really am not stingy although I would admit that I don't believe in giving my girlfriend money when we haven't gotten married yet. I just have this belief that she isn't mine to take care of yet. Might be a wrong concept or not I don't know, it's just the way I am. We quarrel at times over nothing and now I am beginning to link those random quarrels to this money issue. Maybe somehow she doesn't know how to ask for money because she is a really shy person, then she gets angry and makes trouble when there is really nothing to be fighting about. So my question is that should I just go and deep my hands into my pocket and start giving her money when she hasn't asked for anything? How do I know that she needs money. Thanks

                                                                                                                                                        Iyke













Dear Iyke,
        There is actually no way to know if the money is the issue or if it is just her character that is the reason she randomly argues with you. It could also be something entirely different that she might be finding difficulty in expressing to you. So the only way to find out is to ask her yourself.
In my opinion, what you do is actually okay. It is okay to give her gifts once in a while and surprise her with something lovely on occasions. It keeps things interesting if you ask me and unlike what most people think it doesn't automatically mean that your relationship is immediately materialistic so you can keep up what you have been used to. Just as as long as you keep things balanced out and don't over do it then I believe everything would be fine.

At the same time I cannot say that it is absolutely right to lend no kind of financial or physical cash assistance to a lady you aren't married to because different conditions can arise. If it is something she really needs from you and she asks you then I think it is okay to give her the money to take care of her problems. I mean think of it, if she has a parent or sibling hospitalized and she needs your assistance, your rules won't stand would it? But if you have already established a relationship where she can't ask you for anything or that she just naturally never wants to ask for anything and expects you to see her problems without saying anything like you stated above then what you can actually do is to encourage her to speak up when she needs something. Let her know that you might not always be able to detect when she needs help and that she would need to learn to open up more to you. Anyway just think over that and know if you would want to change your rules a little for her, as long as it is okay by you.

At the end of the day it really might be nothing and she might be one of the women who are financially independent and do not want any assistance whatsoever from their men. Not that there is anything wrong with ladies wanting something from their men but you get my point. So it all still falls back on you having to ask her straight up.

 You also need to understand that as much as I want you to learn from the experiences of others in my blog and use the knowledge. What you are personally going through in your life is most likely not exactly the same that the person I address on a post is experiencing. So don't use only my blog to judge your relationship. Use the challenges in your own life to judge and if there is an advice on the blog that suits your condition then fine, you can apply it. But if not you can always let me know what in particular you are going through and I will do my best to help you with the knowledge you give me. So no need to be too scared by what people complain about on my blog, your life is different.

It is really good that you are concerned about your relationship and are willing to do what it takes to make things good even before they go bad so kudos to you on that. Hope you keep having a wonderful relationship with your woman. Take care for now...

                                                                                                                                                     Ralph