Dear Ralph : I am confused

Dear Raphael,

   Please I have been in a relationship for more that 7 years and finally last year the guy asked me to marry him, which I accepted. the problem is that none of my family members is in support of me marrying him. He is a graduate and have not gotten job for 5 years now and I try my little best to help out small.
 
  My family thinks that he doesn't love me and that he is pretending that he cares and loves me. I have tried all my possible best to convince them that he is okay for me, yet none is listening to me. The problem is that he has his own bad side which I over look at times, just because I love him.
Now someone else is asking for my hand in marriage and the person has a nice character and is wise. The problem is that my former guy is begging me that he still cares for me and wants us to come back together again.
   The problem here is 1.) I still have feelings for him. 2.) I don't want to make any mistake at all cos marriage is for better for worse. 3.) He doesn't have a job and I don't see him as someone that is willing and serious in getting one any time soon.
PLEASE KINDLY ADVICE ME AS A SISTER IN NEED
                                                       
Note: I broke up with him and ever since he has been begging me.

Thank you and have a wonderful day,
                                                                                                                                 Rose



Dear Rose
           First of all let me apologize for the delay in replying you, due to some circumstances beyond my control I couldn't work through the weekend and won't be able to for some time, but i'm here now so let's get this started.
        Let me start off by saying to you that the devil you know is better than the angel you don't. Look at this, you had a happy relationship all this while for 7 good years and because of some flaws and a couple of things that people said to you about someone you know more than they can ever know,you are letting go of all that and on top of it you know within you that you still love that man. I think you need some time to yourself to figure things out before making any decisions especially since it is a case of marriage. Forget about what your family is saying to you for now, block everyone out just for some time and concentrate with me, now look into your heart Rose and ask yourself if you really want to leave that man because of those flaws that you might be able to correct if given enough time. Think of the happy times you've had with him and weigh them with the sad moments, which outweighs which?        
       You see he might not be serious today or have a job today but who is to say all that won't change tomorrow, in fact I say that is where you show your power as a woman, that power to inspire and give him that nudge at the back that he needs to get started with he's life, now by nudging or pushing him I don't mean nagging him cos he would only get frustrated instead speak to him as a partner. Don't just wait for him to do something, he is your man and you love him, you have known him for all these years so I trust that you know what he is good at. Call him and sit him down, converse deeply with him and give him suggestions while listening to he's own reasons and suggestions, sometimes we men need your input and we need to see how interested you are in our life and progress.Remember everyone has their bad sides including you so be considerate of he's when you speak to him and be careful not to judge him, no person that you meet today or tomorrow will be 100% perfect. The fellow really sounds like he still loves you so do what is in your own heart and not others, you are the best judge of the situation.
     Now if you check everything and you see that it won't workout for you and you have tried everything that you can,well then it's fine if you wish to let go, provided you are absolutely sure that you won't have any regrets. But don't rush into this relationship with the new person without knowing for sure what you are leaving behind and what you are moving forward to, remember that you have only judged him from the surface, what about your bond and connections? What do you people talk about? There are lots of other things that makeup a relationship beyond wisdom and good character, those are good qualities yes, but I trust you know by now that marriage is a whole new ball game from what you are used to. As you said marriage is for better for worse so you should really be careful and not rush into anything you will regret.
   I wish you best of luck Rose, please let us know how it plays out and if you are still confused explain further and we will keep working together to make things better for you. Take care for now and be happy
                                                                                                                                                  Ralph