Dear Ralph: What do I do with my baby now?

The famous DEAR RALPH section of AskRalph blog is dedicated to real people with real life struggles. Feel free to contact me by using the email form you will see when you CLICK THIS LINK  or writing directly to my emails raphaelsblogg@gmail.com or askralphblog@gmail.com. I would also want to encourage everyone that reads to drop their comments and inputs on the issue. Feel free to object or support any advice I give and drop your own thoughts. It's all in the best interest of the poster and the AskRalph family as a whole. So lend your advice and support through the comments section. It'll be really helpful. This is on of the main reasons I opened this blog. If you are reading this then I look forward to your participation. Ralph does not....I repeat DOES NOT have all the answers so your opinion counts a lot.... Alright let's do this!





Dear Ralph,

I am just torn right now. It's like my whole life just came to a halt all of a sudden and if I do not get help right now I might just end my life. I am constantly depressed and I keep having suicidal thoughts. Before I keep ranting let me tell you everything that has happened so far up till now. My boyfriend or should I say ex boyfriend, I don't know what to call him right now was a really nice person. We met right before I got into school and the 3 years that we were together were the best years of my life. A couple of months ago he got me pregnant and I didn't notice until my period was no where to be found for like a few weeks late and close to a month. Due to my christian background I decided that I wasn't going to remove the child. At first I was scared of telling my boyfriend that I was pregnant with the fear of him denying or leaving me but I later summoned the courage to tell him with the mind that anything that can happen would happen. I couldn't keep his child from him because of fear and he was the only person I was intimate with, I never cheated on him. To my surprise he actually proved me wrong with his reaction when I told him. Contrary to what I thought, he received the news quite well and was very excited that he was going to be a dad. I was confused but at least I was happy because he didn't ditch me.
    He traveled down from Abuja to Ibadan to see me because school wasn't in session when I told him about the news. He met my parents and told them that he planned on getting married to me and that he was going to start taking care of me and the child. Even though they were furious at us, they received him quite well. On his way back to Abuja he got into a car accident and I lost him forever. My nightmare started from that night when I received the news. I do not know what to do anymore. My parents aren't wealthy and I do not know how I will take care of the child. I can't think straight. I am always crying, I am depressed. I don't know if I should get rid of the child and go back to school because I am really considering it. I can't finish school on time and without a certificate I can't get a job, without a job I can't take care of my baby. I just feel like my life has come to an end at this point. I do not know what to do anymore. Please help me Ralph, I am not thinking straight, it's just too much for me. At this rate I am going to loose my mind, I don't sleep anymore, I just want to end my life and the pain.


Worried girl












Dear Worried girl,

                      I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss and what you are going through right now in your life. I know it is very difficult but I want to assure you that everything is going to be fine. Things might not make sense to you right now but believe me, everything happens for a reason. There are so many things that happen in life that we cannot make any sense out of but we don't always have to at that point, it might take some time but just leave it for a while. Some things will take care of themselves, you can only do the much you can.

I need you to stop for a while and take a deep breath. There is nothing good that is going to come out of taking your own life. I am sure it sounds like a good idea right now because of everything you are going through but trust me, it isn't. You want to know why? Just think of the way you feel right now, how bad you feel from losing someone that was very dear to you. Now that is exactly how you are going to make everyone that loves your right now feel if you take your life. Your friends, your family, your siblings, everyone. Then imagine how worse it's going to be for them when they find out you took your own life. Just take things easy and you will be fine. I know it seems like times are dark right now but you are a lot stronger than what you are facing. These hard times will definitely pass and you will smile again. Wipe your tears and pick yourself up again.

Please I also want to plead with you to forget about removing the baby and you know why? Well I have a couple of reasons. First of all, it might look like the easiest thing to do now but morally we both know that would be taking an innocent child's life. Also just look at it this way, you are carrying a part of your late boyfriend with you, I am sure that the last thing you want to do is to let go of the last living part of him that you have. I think your baby deserves to live and enjoy you as his/her mother. It might not be easy at first but trust me, with the right attitude towards this situation, everything will be fine. Be there for your child, train your child to be the best he/she can be and in a couple of years time you will happy knowing that your boyfriend would have been proud. The last thing he would want would be for you to get rid of the child.

It's true that finding a job right now might be really hard but it won't be impossible. First of all you might want to discuss with your parents and your boyfriends parents on what to do next. How you people are going to take care of the baby and if they will be able to help you in one way or the other. Maybe to juggle the responsibility for a while till you are able to take care of the child or give you some financial support. I am sure that with the help of the both parents, things will be easier for you. You might be able to return to school and get your certificate. So just talk with your parents and weigh your different options. You might also get a job or open a business that will be close to home so you can take care of your baby while working.

Please just take things easy, you are going to be okay. It isn't the end of the world so just take a deep breath. You have more fight in you than you know. This will not break you, this will not bring you down, you are going to overcome this and everything is going to be fine, you will actually come out a stronger woman through this. I know this sudden responsibility will make you grow up a lot faster than you should but it's fine, just take it a day at a time. It might not be easy at this initial stage but things will get easier, just watch and see. You are very much welcome to the AskRalph family and feel free to still email me when you feel down or you are in need of additional help. I will be more than willing to help. Take care of yourself and your baby dear.

Ralph